Youth's take on socializing in traditional set up.....

I know this topic draws lots of different perspectives. To begin with, the common and popular dialog everyone says or quotes is that of "India being cultural nation and everyone is treated with respect".

Coming to just two generations before us, people would often use respectful words, when they wanted to speak or denote something about some person. The same continued with our parents generation. What happened to our generation?

Being brought up away from cluster of relatives, me and my brother would get offended at the unwanted rituals which were alien to. Like when someone elder comes, even if you don't know them, you have to touch their feet. (My dad would literally hold the back of our necks and throw us at their feet in an unescapable manner). And we would get blessings, sometimes cheek pullings, sometimes bear hugs with unbearable pats on the back, etc. I know these were different gestures to show that the other person was happy to see/meet us.

We (as I speak for my brother too here and know he will agree to it) believe that respect, feelings towards each other should be mutual and should come from within us. No one can demand or gain respect by force or made to do so. In our thinking there is no scope of formalities. Our aim always is to eliminate awkwardness in relations by removing unwanted formalities. We vouch each and every word of the phrase "Be simple, Think simple" in our logic of relationships.

Like, for example, today if I know that someone is not a well wisher of my family, I will not be able to have simple, plain good hearted feelings towards that person. I will not think anything bad to happen to that person, but at same time he/she will never gain respect in my eyes for watsoever reason. This is called action-reaction theory. I know for sure that we never are the first person to start a fight and also are the firsts to mend the breaking threads, but what do you do when you know the person in front of you will never change no matter what?

So I came to this simple conclusion of "HOSTILE" relationship, where if you meet that person, exchange your greetings and say your salutations and leave the place. No more discussions, no scope of any unwanted incidences. Win-win situation for both.

This actually echoes voices of many of my friends who are right now the Gen X people. I somehow feel, that we are the most balanced righteously thinking, balanced, logical thinkers of the times. Our earlier generations were like these Godly figures who would try endlessly to spread goodness and eventually give up and crib. The next generation are of an attitude "An eye for an eye" which is not correct for social and peaceful living.

Also, say when new memebers get added to the family, like daughter in law, son in law,etc. following the tradition, even today , the girls parents treat the son in law with respect and fear, thinking if he gets upset he will not look after their daughter properly. But for one moment, if you stop and think, even your son in law or daughter in law also wants to be treated in simple, plain, manner as you would treat your own children. No special treatments required. I agree in city life, and with educated class of people, this is a changing scenario .But question is why do formalities when you have trusted your child's future with that person?

Like, in festivals, traditional family get togethers, or family functions happen, the host has to invite everyone. Now the logic here is to pass the information of the event over the phone and if you inform one person, it serves the purpose of the call. But then why one has to also talk to the lady of the house, child of the house and individually invite? If you are referring them as a family, then informing one person should work out,right? Why should individual ego be taken care of at the hosts end?

Take example of my parent's new house warming function. Here, we were the hosts. Now when people sit to eat, in south indian tradition, hosts eats in the last batch of food serving. Also host has to go on telling everyone to have their meal whole heartedly and to their tummy's full. Now, my dad went one round, then my mom. Me and my brother were entertaining the other non occupied guests, when my parents turned towards us and asked us to make rounds. My brother was at loss of words but because I was married and had to show and behave responsible in front of the crowd, I volunteered, releiving my brother from his duties. I dont mind going around and meeting people, but then was it absolutely necessary? As if people who are having lunch wont have food properly. Traditions!

My dad has special charm which works in his favour always. He is a very good fun to be around and always is surrounded by beloved because he narrates incidences, cracks jokes and knows exactly who wants to hear what. If you leave him in some function, go away for sometime and come back to find him, you can easily find him in the place, where chairs have broken their traditional straight line formations and encircled around my dad's chair. He gets really worked up and has child like enthusiasm, also not to forget about my mom, when they go to functions which they are looking forward to. Me and my brother rarely do rounds of such functions, because we end up being like amused dolls, which they lovingly display.

They would meet distant, farthest relatives who we would not even heard of and ask us "Do you know who they are?" and mind you, one hand would be readily at back of our neck and the other hand's one finger, would be pointing towards the intended person. This is the regular scene either me or my brother gets caught up into. Also the introduction to dad's side of relatives always start up with "Ghare manne Ashwatha" or "Balepette Nagraja" and after whose who session, I ask my brother "Come again, who is Ashwatha of the ghare manne?"

On personal note, keeping tradions alive, respecting every individuals,etc is a good attitude. But to overdo it and spice it up with unwanted formalities easily becomes a turn off for young Generation. Also, this is one of the biggest reasons why the next generations, slowly has started reducing the appearances they make in any social events. Not that we don't appreciate the yummy food and nice decorations, but  if the all of above gets repeated again and again, how long could you take it?

Ghosts............

I would probably have "daymares" if I can call that, when I hear the word "Ghosts".... I would probably end up losing on my sleep, being awake throughout the night, panic at the slightest sound and even go ahead and imagine few ghostly figures myself, thanks to my subconscious.

I was having talks or rather listening to my colleagues thoughts about ghosts... and though everyone said they do exist, but they had different ways to understand their existence... Like, one said, that ghosts exists as do god.. they are just the 'atman' which has not got moksha in this life and is waiting his turn to be born again in this world........  Another one said, that as there is a positive energy, there is negative energy as well. So the ghostly figures have more of negative powers......

I asked them if one should fear their presence or in my case, at the very word.They answered NO. Surprised, I asked why? They said that to be born as a human itself is a blessing. We have more powers than any form of life created by God/Positive energy..... and the power was to express ourselves and pray or meditate/nurture to god/positive energy within us daily.

This was an intriguing thought. If that is the case, why do we voluntarily not forget the ghosts of our pasts easily?


In every day life, we would have made mistakes in countless way. But what makes us remember them and get afraid or shudder at the thought of them. And mind you the the pain of not being able to admit it in front of others............. I think that is the biggest reason why we cannot forget them, because it keeps pricking in our head.

To be able to give any examples for the situation would just channelize or make believe one, the only streams where we could go wrong. But the areas of mistakes are countless and the best person to know it is "Yourself"


If one is true to oneself and hopefully the subconscious has not been lying to itself, then its the best battlefield to face these ghosts of our pasts. You come face to face with the ghost/s. Go ahead and imagine, if it is a lady in white cloth or a disfigured evil just to help you channelize your attention and agree for a "FACE OFF"

Challenge the ghost and agree to your mistake. The only advantage the ghost had was that we feared it since we lied/denied the mistake. But now that it is done and you have learnt your lesson, look at the ghost 'eye to eye' and say, "CHECK MATE". By agreeing to the folly or one's mistake, one would give the ghost its moksha or remove the negative air around the ghost and let it go.......

It lingered in our subconscious mind and haunted us because we allowed to for so many years. But now that we admitted it and faced our fears, it's time you said "My mind is my temple and the entrance board reads" No ghosts allowed".

Tales of the Maha comparisons

Comparisons....... The word itself irritates me........ And have been in company of few who have been constantly on the throt doing it.........

When I was growing up, I would see many of my close relatives compare their children's report cards and extra circulars constantly with others. It would give them a chance to show off, their child's intelligence, in turn their intelligent lineage........... and the lineage just limited to them, not even their parents.............. Thankfully, my parents never did that or never compared our results with others or praise/boast us in front of others.....They wanted others to praise us after they see or know, what our talents were.........

Since we grew up in many places, me and Ashok were always neutral to any matter, issue or situation... Not that we wanted to play safe or something..... Just that we would understand the things from both sides of the coin before considering anything.... I would be the person who would give most number of chances to a person and not making conclusions on his/ her characters at all...... We knew how a person would feel or behave in a situtation which was favoring or not favoring them...

When I came down to Bangalore, same things started happening again......When I joined my first job, it was a small CA firm... My colleagues started constantly comparing my behaviour with the girls who stayed in Bangalore........not that I was outrageous or too much extrovert....I wanted to be friends with them and wanted to hang out with them....as someone new in city does....... And yes, I was not like the traditional girls of Bangalore, who will get back home by 7, but leave home as early as 2.00 am in morning, if they want to earn money in BPO and call centre...... I could not adjust to such double standards and moved on.......

My cousin brother was  then in college...... He also studied commerce like I did and his father would always compare his final results with his cousin brother....... My uncle would not understand the importance of not comparing a commerce guy's report card to a science guy's report card.......... he may be intelligent in one way, but my uncle never realised what special and extra qualities his own son had....... My cousin always stayed under constant fear of his dad, until he decided to take matters in his own hand and start earning.......It gave him much required break and a confidence in him, to atleast face his father's constant bickering............. This is what happens, when one do not realise what their own children have......

Then came my corporate working life and introduction to the new set of people..in fact various kinds of them....few boasting about themselves, few revealing how they are not bothered about any rules which were to be followed in office, few drawing comparison charts with their now and then companies, few bragging about their superiority in corporate....... but one funny part was,we all started at the same levels.....

I was always comfortable, with both set of people, so called "Northies" & the "Southies"....... I never made any distinction between them.but found it really amazing to see that even at corporate level the favoritism does exist.."Northies" move around "Northies" and "Southies" ganged up with "Southies"........and in that also, region wise,north, north east, west groups and the eternal south group........ Since I fitted into both categories, I would hear both side of stories and it was kind of funny to know how thinking changes with region........

Here too, inevitable comparisons would be drawn.... " My village is far more better than Bangalore...we get everything there...... the customs here are strange......" and I would think, but then if your village had everything, why did she come to Bangalore from so far a place, that reaching there itself took 40 hours journey............ With southies, prolonged argument that how Chennai or Vizag is more superior than Bangalore...........

Now a days, I just smile off at the talks these same set of people have to say again and again........  Its just not  comparisons that irritate me, but the fact that people are ready to adjust in foreign much better than they do in their own country........

What satisfaction does people get when they make such comparisons.....I agree the term needs to be used at certain places, like say in comparing sales figures for two months.... but why and what do people get when they make comparisons in personal lives, whether it is in office, a place, a habit, studies or a person's mere personality.........

Every person, place, food, culture, habit, attitude is unique..... why spoil so much abundance in the country by mere comparisons......... why not learn to appreciate its own origin form and enjoy it....... Because the only person who feels miserable after the whole process is one who is complaining as they cannot enjoy the best of what they have for that moment ................. Every one comes with their own destiny or fate ,already written, then why add to someone's pain by these cheap gimmicks........

Physique and psyche........

From time indefinite that the one who is slender or slim has the eternal reason to mock at the not so slender/slim ones........ I had seen this happening to people like me, where ever we went.........Its like we were by birth entitled to being mocked by the few slim chaps.......  But I failed to understand why did this happen? Was just the physical attribute more important in determining what a person can be?

It is saddening to know that as much as 70 percent of the obese population have a inferiority complex in them. This happens or is automatically evoked by others due to constant mockery and pinpointing......... The slim class on other side, dwells with superiority complex....... But I could not relate to this fact at any point of time in my life....... Yes, there are disadvantages of being obese...... you cannot wear what you want...... but it definitely does not mean that obese people are not beautiful by looks or any lesser intelligent.......

Even in cinemas age old and new, there are stereotype characters related to the different physical attributes....... The slim ones always end up as the main leads and the obese ones as the supporting casts.... example Tuntun......These charatcers would always be shown as someone who would torture the main characters or are shown eating food always on screen.....like the boy, in Bombay to Goa..whose dialog in the movie is "Appah! pakoda......". But against the rule, are few people who proved to be more fit and flexible that even slimer ones could be put to shame..... examples are all the leading choreographers of Bollywood........ Even in the famous serial on Sab channel, there is a supporting family, The Hathis....... I mean, its just so not fair to typecast the obese ones like that........

I keep wondering why or who was the person who gave such type of liberty to slim/slender people to mock or have fun at cost of the obese ones...... Even amongst friends, one may call other by nickname like fatty or something else...... If you are one of them, Stop and think what are you doing? Its not nice to make fun of someone who is obese...... they may not be slim/slender but definitely not less respectful than you are...........

Wherever I go, I see friends nicknaming or gesturing the person by hands to show that they are obese......... Have you thought, what if they react on such gestures and call you as ugly or with some other name on your face......... How would you feel when you get the taste of your own medicine......... Obesity is like any other ailment.. I see people being mindful or respectful or more so kind to people who are visually, physically handicapped but the same set of people are disrespectful towards someone who is obese........ Why is this partiality?.... and an appropriate question on your face, "Who do you think you are to mock others?"  Why does one not think that this is all because of the genes and the hereditary.Its not like anyone wantingly asked to be obese or become dark skinned........ 

And then why do people frame the phrases, "Dark,tall and handsome" or "Obesity is mark of wealth" or for that matter, why would you call a pregnant woman beautiful and compliment on her glow, when even she would fall in temporarily obese class, logically speaking.,...

Its all bias that people have created amongst themselves................. True beauty lies within a person and one can only appreciate it, if you have that open mind to embrace whatever others are gifted with........... Only because someone is fair or someone is beautiful, does not mean, he/she is the best........ who knows one may look like million bucks but keep failing in mathematics........... 

Think about it...... Physical attributes are just temporary and can fade away with time.............. But one's true inner self is what remains behind........ Dont let your inner beauty be blinded by the temporary materialistic attributes of living..... The greatest beauty in appreciation of creation of God in all forms on earth........

Emotion and Music.........

I believe every moment has a song attached to it........ I grew up listening to so many songs and I know them so much by heart........... I hear the prelude and I can guess which song is coming up........

Emotions are certainly relaxed by hearing any type of music, may it be instrumental or vocal........ In olden days, classical music was the source of soothing the hyper nerves...but for me, its other way around...since I don't know abc of classical, the music gives me irritation......... like a ghost has got inside me and asking me to go out of the room........... I know many of you would disagree with me, but I always liked Hindi film music more...... and my tastes were very peculiar.......

If someone asked me what genre or what type of music I like to hear....I always replied Bollywood music....but then off lately I started listening o more of western music and I started loving them too.......  The reason why I like very peculiar songs are because I connect them to my memories........

Like for example, when I used to get scoldings from dad on my mischief, I would sing inside my head, "Ayya mere papa ko gussa jab ata hain" from the movie Shool and would not concentrate on the scoldings...... That's why mom would keep saying , "This girl does not improve.."

Next came the national anthem when I was in college, the DCH song....... marking friendship...... and praising the emotions with friendship...... also secretly I hoped I could have such trips to Goa.......... When I shifted to Bangalore and was  new in city, my song was "Kitni Ajeeb Rishtay hai yahan pe......" from Page 3.......... With Anup, my darling husband it was always "My Dil goes hmm hmm hmm........". It was the first movie I saw with him and its kind of dear to me..

I remember when my friend had come down to Bangalore for some work and she had fought with her guy, she would keep on playing "Tu Jahan Main Wahan" from Salaam Namaste..... And these song would just flash  instantly across my mind with any intentions and would fix into my mind for rest of my life............

When I travel from my work place to my home, every night, I hear the song "Dil Dhadkne Do........" from ZNMD........ There is so much inspiration to the song in a way only I can relate to........ for some, the song can be just another song and I am fine with it..........  And its kind of funny when I send some music dedications on Facebook to my friends depending on situation knowing that by listening to them, it would change their minds..... off lately I did that and for my best friend Shilpa...and that was "Aas Paas Hai Khuda" from Anjaana Anjaani.....

With another friend of mine, whose guy stayed far away and she was always worried about him, I would keep thinking, "Lambi Judaai........." and one of my friend is going through same phase and she hears to the song "Teri Meri prem Kahani" from Bodyguard.......

In short everyone has a song to remember at each moment......... Some Happy and some sad.......... It gives that calmness and peace instantly......  I keep thinking, if its the words, lyrics, prelude or that particular music piece of the song which builds up the emotion in you............And there is one favorite song which over takes all other liking......... Its just like the things which you pick up, extra special, which represents you........

Kill The Ravaan today...........

Me and my brother are always asked about where we belong from. Well, thats a tricky one... We were born in Bangalore and then immediately were moved to Maharashtra...we grew up in different cities.......... But one thing I can vouch for is we always liked the spirit of Mumbai and the growing up days in Pune. It will last in our memories forever....

But answering the question is a tough one and I find people often answering on behalf of me........ Many people think I am a North Indian, someone from Delhi or a Punjabi........ once they hear me speak in Hindi........ They often get confused when they hear me speak Marathi or Kannada......... The problem we faced throughout our lives was that of acceptance from people........

When we used to come down to Bangalore for vacations, people would laugh on our Kannada speaking capabilities..... Sure, I agree we do not know how to read and write kannada...but atleast we have kept the language alive within us..... They would treat us as people from North...... and make fun of the state language where we would stay........

Back in pune, we were never accepted as one amongst them and were called South Indian...... for people who kept failing in their geography test constantly, they would ask us this question, "Are you from South?" Yes "Oh Tamil Nadu,is it?" Often pissed at their geography and lack of knowledge, we would correct them and move their compass to Karnataka. No matter how much you correct them, they go back to square one.

So we became, not south indian, not north indian..but Proud INDIAN.

My Dad always taught us to be adaptive to any place and situation.. So we automatically had this unbiased thinking towards different culture and also a respect for all different cultures.

I have come across few typical people, whom I call "The Educated Ignorant"

I hate when people do not admire and respect their own country's diversity... Its like they get some happiness to mock at other person's state culture... I never enteratined such thoughts and always was one who would give an insight of the culture to "The Educated Ignorant" class. I had taken it upon me as my moral duty to ehance these people's knowledge.....

For example, back in college few friends of mine, were from northern part of India and would always speak low about Pune and very high about their respective hometowns........ I would wonder, if that was the case, what was the need for them to leave their great hometowns and come down to Pune? Their sentences would start from, "Huamare yahan to aisa hain, yahan toh aisa hain" wrinkling their noses at the last part.......

When I moved to Bangalore after my graduation, the same things happened but with people here........ For instance, my own relative once said to me mockingly that "you people across the other side of plateau, need fan 24 hours constantly"..... I was like, dude, you stay in 40 degrees and then let me know, if you require fan or not....... Staying in a place, where summer is very extremes, you do require fan..... And thanks to such stamina to bear any type of weather, we would never fall sick unlike the ones who spoke to me in this manner..........

I would sit down and ponder about this topic for hours together. What is the problem with acceptance of our own diversity and cutltural offerings?

For example with matters related to food..... Being a foodie, I understand what goes in what dish and how it is prepared, which region has to offer what fantastic flavours, apart from the famous things.........

Like Mumbai is just not limited to Wada Pav or Pav bhaji........ just stop by Chowpatti and you would get to know, how tasty the chats and the ice creams there are........

Down South, its just not rice,what Karnataka food has to offer....agreed that it is the staple food........ like every region has its own....... Did you know there are more than 38 varietes of rice dish which Karntaka (and not Karnatak) cuisine, has to offer.......apart from ragi mudde, akki roti, jolada rotti, etc etc........

So why make face when you dont get options which you wanted, in a place where you would expect least to find it....... Like for south indians, why do you search curd rice even if you go to Kashmir.......... and north indians,why do you search a very exclusive sweet dish prepared mainly in marriages down south? 

One should learn to enjoy and appreciate, what you get...... If you are not okay, try and adjust....... .................. No culture evolved instantly......... there is a reason and a custom which has been carried through centuries and people hold strong beliefs in them.... Why do you want to hurt by saying something stupid and ignorant words when you do not understand the importance of such custom or tradition.......

My intentions are honestly to help "The Educated Ignorant" understand that Assam is in north east and not in China...................

 So on this Dusshera, kill the Ravaan of Ignorance and non acceptability which has deep rooted within you and feel proud of being a multi-cultural country called INDIA.

When a woman feels depressed

There are so many times, when a woman feels low or depressed. She wants to be left alone yet at the same time need a shoulder to cry. The best quality God could give to her was sensitivity and worst hyper-sensitivity.

A woman can get hyper sensitive or vulnerable. Rather than saying that she does not require a reason to be hyper, I could say there are many reasons why she can get hyper. A bad day at work, naughty children, family feuds, gaining weight or sometimes even bad weather.

She feels like she is unwanted, her life has no direction, doing a thankless service. She might also feel sometimes run away or break free from her regular routine.

On such days, if men try to be extra supportive so that they can get her back on track. But instead, women feel more irritated. Not that they don't know or appreciate the feelings coming from others. All she want to do is left alone, not be taken care of (but secretly hopes to be taken care of). Possible diversions to feel better is read a book, watch movies, go for stroll by themselves, shop something. Even if you do not agree, do not question her, on such days.

Some women take as little as an hour or as much as two days to recover. At the end of the depression cycle in this case, comes the good news that she has recovered. But the cherry on top of the cake, would be the news that she has not reduced your bank balance when she shopped. You want to know why?

Because when she goes for shopping, she looks at the price first and cribs even for the product being costly or over rated. I agree at the pity situation but somewhere at back of her mind, she knows she would end up screwing the monthly budget. That's the power of consciousness and restrain, a woman has in herself.

Women are god's beautiful creation but not the perfect one. She needs her own space and time too. A woman born in this age is quite lucky, because she can voice her opinions. But you cannot take out a little performance, she puts up in face of depression...... her way to have fun......

Shifting loyalties...

I have heard and read in newspapers so many times that a celebrity was married to one, fell in love with another while he/she was married to some one else and then ditched and went out with else again.... I keep wondering how can loyalties keep changing from one person to another so frequently and that too in matters of love? 

There are so many celebrities who have strings of affairs and illegitimate relationships before they actually settle in for a marriage. In India, I guess this has been noticed much now in younger generations, both with boys and girls in teens and youth having many boyfriends or girlfriends, going on double dates. Now a days you watch any commercial which targets young audience, they show that it is easy shifting loyalties and yet fall in love again and again....

A mindset has sunk in that if a relation does not work out, they have options of falling out every now and then. Yes, to an extent I agree that you should fall out of a relation when it is not working, but you should ask a question to yourself, have I done everything from my end to save it? Or if the problem is with me, can I correct it? It is a blame game.... Even when you fall in love, you blame saying, "he/she made me fall in love with him/her."... when you are getting out of it, you will say, " she/he was always wrong and she/ he is at fault for this relation not to end." Its like you can easily transfer the burden of guilt of not working out on other person in relation, since you know you will never cross his/her road ever again.

Earlier, if a married couple had any issues, they would resolve it as much as possible and ensure they stay in the wedlock rather than drifting apart. I think its good way to deal when the issues are petty issues but not when there is major rift creator or which involves any violence or mental trauma to any of the party. but thanks to imitating all good and bad of the west, we also have learnt not to resolve issues but to kill it by falling out of it.. The question here is, why do we have to take the easier route of falling out rather than taking difficult route of adjusting and learning to resolve issues and stay together?


People have stopped trying and putting the efforts, which it takes to stay in relation and go on with it smoothly.Even on television, in daily soaps they show the main character falling in and out of relations and wedlock so easily.... by the end of serial they would be at least married 5 times...Is it so easy to shift your loyalties towards different people?


Like SRK mentions in the movie KKHH," Hum ek bar jite hain, ek bar marte hain, pyaar bhi ek hi bar hota hain." (but that's little contradictory to what he ends up doing finally, he marries Anjali as well.) I always believe that love is very precious and there should be only one such person in life whom you can shower your love with. Your time, mind, body and soul is just devoted to that person. But having said this, there are few practical situations as well which I have seen for myself. Two people in love having distance relationship and that falling out because guy/gal must be just fooling around and running away from responsibilities of getting married or in wedlock husband abusing wife daily, which I strictly disapprove of.

When you are in love, you respect the  person and you want to have the very best for things in life. In India, where emotions shown are more, it is just not that easy to forget such life altering experiences. Yes, life moves on but the feelings would have left  a scar on your heart forever. When one has a girlfriend or boyfriend, he/she just wants to be with the other as much as possible but when there are tensions, same people just want to seperate easily and find someone new in  life. What happens to all that emotions and happiness when things just issues arises? Is it so easy to forget your favorite hangouts, your frequently visited restaurants, parks where you sat together holding each other's hand,etc etc?

Things and situations in life keeps changing every second. But that does not mean you give up your love depending in bad situation. Then your love was conditional love which would stick only in good times. Every person has their  high and low points, but to stay with them and work things out is really a lesson we should learn from our elders and their elders. Freedom of expression in relation and life is always nice to have but also we should realize that love and marriage are not any games but life altering experiences and involves two people's entire life revolving around it. So no matter, how much independent we become, we should respect and love whom we call as our lovers/life partners. After hope is what we carry through our life.....................

Marriage: a new journey or roadblock for girls

I often come across girls mentioning that they are afraid to be married or hate to be married since it demands a lot from them post marriage.. My Aiah Thata (maternal grandpa) would always scold me when I would do any sloppy work saying, " Tomorrow when you get married, your mother in law will hit you nicely if you don't obey her..." and my reply would be "I will tell my mother in law, Bring it on!" for I had all the guts to stand for my rights...


Time flew so quickly from that conversation & today, after 2 years and 5 months of my marriage, I often keep thinking on this topic... I have found a wonderful friend and life partner in Anup. Often people confuse that we are bachelors and are in live in relationship... I am even more lucky to have found a very easy natured mother in law and caring father in law.... May be this is the reason, I actually negate to why girls should feel like that..... Somewhere I read (I don't remember exactly) that girls sacrifice a lot in marriage.I fail to understand how do girls sacrifice in marriage? Leaving parents house & going to husband's house is a tradition which has been followed from ages, which is also a known fact to every single girl right from childhood..


A husband welcomes a new member in family.. It is the biggest challenge for him. He has to shift his loyalties & priorities towards his wife a little more, to make her comfortable. He has to go out and work so that he can fulfill all the wishes in the family. He cannot leave his job and sit at home saying, "I don't want to go to work. I want to sit at home." We girls at least have that option. He has to help his wife with household works like paying bills,picking groceries,etc . He has to manage his household expenses in same efficient way with additional one member added to his family. A "no" for anything will not be well received by wife, so he has to make YES as his favorite word. Even if the curry prepared is very bad, he eats and says,"Wow sweetie! its awesome...tumhare haaton mein jaadu hain." and even after saying this, he still has answering to do for a questionnaire of "is it too salty?, is it too spicy, is it too bland, you are lying aren't you? shall I prepare it next time again? why are you having so little?". There is a constant expectation to express their love for her. He has to fine tune his majority of habits according to his wife's likings to keep her happy. 


I don't say girls do not put in efforts in marriage. But we show and keep telling it out loud, every now and then.Yes we put equal efforts but also do give up when those efforts are not fruitful. Expectations are high on both, husband and wife, equally. On girls, its expectation to run household efficiently and also get along with new family members. On boys, its responsibility and duties towards his wife and family. Girls forget that now a days, they also have an opinion and a voice. If they are not happy about anything, they should not straight enter the ring with gloves like Mike Tyson, but should be able to wisely put across things and find a solution. 


Both, husband and wife have very important roles to play in marriage but just that the parameters are different. Its just great that husbands don't count and show how much sacrifices they have to undergo. for example: If wives are asked for money for some emergency, they will end up feeling "see he cant tolerate that I have surplus money with me." But have they ever wondered, how difficult it would be for him to part from his hard earned money to fulfill their wishes every time?


Problems are part and parcel of married life. Few problems are easily forgettable and correctable, few leave a mark on heart and mind for ever. I feel before we expecting anything out from our husband, we should think if we are fulfilling his expectations? Don't answer this question yourself. Ask him how he feels about you being a part of his life and what bothers or worries him the most about you? Communication is key to resolving biggest problems between couple. Initial settlement & adjustments problems post marriage are bound to be there, but how early they can overcome this hurdle is left to both of them. Why not see your in laws in same love filled eyes like you see your parents. I know no one can ever replace their position in life, but you its unfair not to give that chance to your in laws as well.... You are comparing 24-25 years of your parents love to few months of your in laws acquaintance and end up making your biases. Rituals, practices ought to differ from house to house, but its also a great opportunity to learn something new and also put in your thoughts in them and enjoy than comparing. 


I think marriage requires lot of maturity,patience, respect for individuals in the family and also understanding of what it takes to be someone's  wife. At same time, I feel we are new age women who can express herself in best manner possible and working out on issues than complicating them. We should continue leading normal life and enjoy life ,as we would before marriage and not lose one's individuality, but at same time also understand new responsibilities given to you. If yes is answers to all the above questions, congrats! you are ready for wonderful joy ride called MARRIAGE!

Daddy..... How did you feel that moment?

There are so many relations in this world. Of all the relations, I cherish the one with my DAD the most. Why is this father and daughter's bond so strong? Why do fathers cry when they get their darling princesses married? What is this special bond between them which no words can explain? This question lingered me yesterday, all day long. I went into flashback of my life and saw only those moments which I and DAD had spent.

 I would say I did not make a great first impression on my dad when he saw me for the first time. He had come down to Bangalore to see me and my mom at the hospital. Dad came to my granny’s house first, only to find my cute not so-elder brother Ashoki playing with his toys and a domestic help to control his mischief. When dad asked my brother to guide him the way, he happily agreed and said in broken Kannada, "Nange Nangi hutidalle" (meaning my younger sis is born, tangi became nangi).Dad came to the hospital and everyone started praising about my then beautiful looks ( God knows when it vanished! Anyways).I had little nose, cute pink cheeks and was very fair. Well dad waited impatiently and nurse held me in her arms and started walking me to the room. I was nervous to see who my dad was and kept winking my eyes innocently (hoping my charms worked on him) and smiling all the way long. He took me in his arms and as the story haunts me time and again, I pooped on his shirt out of nervousness. "Ayyo", my dad said and he thought, "She is going to be a very difficult child to handle."

Well, to great extent yes, I was a difficult child to handle. I was very mischievous and would blame my innocent, sober brother for them. Right from burning the cane furniture in balcony for experiments to teaching my brother how to bunk karate classes in class three, to walking almost five kms from school to dad's office in Mumbai at age of 6 & 8.He has seen me in all the wrong glory I was proud of. But he never punished me for my mischief, why?

In school, I was never a brilliant student. I would fail in two or three subjects in Unit tests and then manage to pass through annual exams. But he never would say anything but year after year take promise from me that I would study hard for coming year. He knew I would not keep up to my promise. But he showed faith in me, why?

He always wanted me to focus on one thing at a time and do it with perfection. I always wanted to impress my dad for some reason or other. Why? I did not know. But he encouraged me to do everything I asked him. There was never a NO from his side, but he would expect me to give him results for that. He gave me all the liberties and freedom a dad can give her daughter to explore and become more independent and confident In a world where girls are still not allowed basic rights of life, he did give me all the lenience equal to my brother, why?

I remember back in those days, every Sunday morning we would watch Rangoli where all old songs were played. I would always get up late and sleep on my dad's lap.  He would cuddle me and pat on my forehead and that feeling was beyond words. What was that feeling?

I grew up to become a very aggressive teenager, challenging anything and everything coming my way. My dad was person who took maximum brunt of my reckless behavior. I remember the night I had went to my school reunion and had returned very late. He was awake until I returned and panicked. He could not control his anxiety and waited for me impatiently. Though I felt it was little over-protective of him to do so, what went through his mind at that time?

Dad has always been protective of me. I had fractured my leg once, because I used to put my legs in the cycle spokes. He had rushed me to hospital and did not mind carrying me in his arms. When I did some drama and asked something to eat, as if I had famished and had not eaten for ages, he got me 50-50 krackjack biscuit packet. I finished the whole packet. Why did he give in to my demand, even after knowing that I was the drama queen of the house?

He has been pillar of my strength and someone whom I look up to. Whatever the decisions may be, he allowed me to take it for myself. May it be the line of studies in college or whether to shift to Bangalore immediately after college, he said yes. Countless times I expected him to support and he always did that. He knew where to hold back and where to let go. But how did he feel when I would make such decisions without asking him?

The one time I feared him a lot was when I told him about Anup wanting to marry me. Dad is not a great fan of love marriage nor does he believe that young kids can make such life altering decisions for themselves. But when I did tell him, he took some time, interviewed Anup with questionnaire; which he had prepared (like me) and gave my love a green signal. It took exactly five days to hear a yes and all those days, I wished for is a YES. What made him say yes? How did it feel that moment to know that his darling princess had some new person in her life apart from him?

All these questions bothered me yesterday while watching the movie, "FATHER OF THE BRIDE". Finally I got the answer in another incident in my marriage when he gave my hand in Anup's hand and asked him to look after me like he did; dad had uncontrollable tears in his eyes. At that point of time, I was in a state where I could see all the flashbacks from childhood and never wanted to leave daddy and go with Anup. I started crying like I was never going to see him again.

A father always dreads the day, when he has to send his daughter away forever with her husband. When she is growing up, he is there to see all her mischief, all her drama and all her achievements. Those moments are just between him and his daughter. He fears to lose those moments when she grows up. He is a proud dad when she does something very creditable in her life and when he knows his darling Princess has grown to become a fine woman, a person who can replicate his upbringing.

I am proud of the fact that I am his daughter. I always remember these words which he told Anup, "I am giving you a piece of my body and full of my heart". I cannot explain the depths of these words but just wanted to say my dad, “I love you and I owe my life and happiness to you. I always know that if I am happy, you are happy. No one can take you away from me and I am proud that I am your reflection. YOU ARE MY ONLY HERO."

Going away..........

Why do I feel the pain when someone goes away or something comes to an end? Which part of the  "going away "saddens me the most?

Right from childhood, I have always loved to help my friends and family with anything and everything. All I expected is that they smile back at me for the help done since I don't handle compliments very well...It makes me feel something weird and also for the fact that I rarely got any compliments from anyone in life..... Even when I or my brother did something good or credible (rare for me at least, me being more naughty than my sober mellow brother), my parents would not praise us in front of others... They always wanted others to see for themselves and if they feel, praise us...

When I would not find that smile on the person, I would feel like is there something wrong in me that I did not deserve that beautiful smile, inspite of being helpful? I felt that people had stopped appreciating good deeds? I do not recall which year, but on 1st Jan I had made resolution to do "One kind deed every single day of the year"...  Though not everyday, I managed to do few things huge that would always stay close to my heart for only reason that I helped.....

First one was me making an outstanding effort to hold a puppy on carrier seat of my brother's cycle (back in school, we used to go on our cycle) for a distance of 2 .5 kilometres from school to home. The only reason I brought this puppy home was because it was hit by a vehicle and was limping. I managed to get it home, give it a bath, make a royal bed (pillow + bedsheet) in our bathroom and also sing a lullaby to put it to sleep. Over its 1 week stay with us, I had managed to create some funny moments for my family, especially when puppy did a poo poo and mom asked me to clean it... I turned to the puppy and said "Yakappa nin ishtu kata kodtiya?" (why are you troubling me so much?). Day came when I had to let it go since it was completely cured by motherly love, I had showered in the past week. I felt sad for the thought that I may never see this puppy again.Like a film story shows, when I turned my back towards it walking away from him, it started barking and said "Bow bow, bow bow bow" in a softer tone... I heard "Tusi jaa rahe ho, tusi na jao!"... I just ran towards my house in grief and cried my heart out. I could have kept it and tamed it, but it was a street dog and would have only lived better on street... Why force myself on it just because it cannot speak.

Second thing I remember is when me and my friends thought we will gift the underprivileged something on Diwali... we all collected money from our neighbors, bought clothes,crackers and sweets. We distributed this to the children who worked in a hotel in Tulasi bagh. I saw the happiness in their eyes... And I felt like an angel to someone whom I don't know or will probably never know in my life...

Of the recent past, the same feeling rushed back to me... that too Twice! Once when my best friend Shilps shifted from Bangalore to Chennai to join a new company... When she broke the news to me, I was in a state of dilemma whether to encourage her for  good or just discourage her and create fear about new city, so that she stays back in Bangalore, since she was the only friend I had here... I started crying over the call saying "you cannot go there, what will I do without you" ........ Since I knew Shilps and her life's history, it was only wise and correct for me, to encourage her so that she progressed in her life...I knew at back of my mind it will take months together to see her face again and somewhere in her heart, she wished someone would say something encouraging about her big step than criticize... The day came when she had to leave, I visited her and spent sometime with her... I sat in the rickshaw and waved her goodbye. Rickshaw guy pulled away and my tears started its journey from my eyes to my cheeks...

I kept myself busy, to stay away from the pain, in form of my French class.... I made great friends there and the whole class was bunch of collective individuals at the beginning of the classes but we turned out to be a full on mischievous and fun loving group towards the end of classes. We would go for breakfast everyday after class to SLV, laugh a lot, discuss and share our thoughts, plan things to do something exciting.... I started enjoying thoroughly  going there and spending time with my friends.. The day came when we had our final oral exam and we got to know we all fared well.... We threw our imaginary graduation type of caps in air and congratulated each other.. Post breakfast, we all decided to take admission in same batch for next level as well...Everyone left and again I was left with my grief that it was all over and that I may or may not be able to see few of them in life again....

I started wondering from that day, what is that which makes me feel sad when something is nearing its end or someone is going away? Is it the moment when you turn your back from the person to leave; so many things you wanted to say but you could not; if known, the fact that you will never see them or the distances which comes in way in terms of place or closeness in hearts?

For me, my biggest pain was to know that I have no control on events, which are bound to happen. All I had to do is go through the pain. Also the feeling that distances would bring down the same magic we used to have when we would be together. All I pray is that God will help me pass through it and that he has something stored for me in some other form to pass through the journey called LIFE.