Be a part of the change

So much has changed in our lives. 

There were days when whole colony or street came together to watch a Ramayana or Small Wonder serial. Kids would endlessly play in the hot sun in their summer vacations. They would climb trees,steal guavas or mangoes, play pranks on each other. Relations were given so much importance. Simplicity was considered beautiful. People would be generous, social and less self absorbed. Their homes would be open to anyone at any point of time. People from out station would prefer to come and halt at their relative’s place than in a hotel. The hosts would go to railway station or bus stand to pick up and drop the guests. Friendships were to die for, no second thoughts given. Loyalties and caring nature was the main attitude of the hour. People would look forward for festivals to cook sweets and savories for the family and everyone would be involved in putting up a good festivity. Though incomes were less or seemed less, for time like now, people were peaceful in their heart and mind. Fathers, however tired they would be, would take out their kids on cycles or scooters to nearby parks or any entertainment places.

With change of the decade and then the century, priorities changed for people. Money and status took over their minds. Every new and shiny thing started occupying the empty corners of the house. With increased incomes, humbleness and caring nature were replaced by ego and greed. People became more addicted to materialistic pleasures than actual people around them. Life got busy and now there is no time for socializing. Half of the time, people think of reasons to turn down any invites made to any functions. Hectic schedules, demanding careers stress people to the extent that they just fall into daily pattern of eating, sleeping, and working. Fun, pleasures of family time is limited to the weekends. More money has added to more tensions of life even if the couple earns handsome money for the family, they don’t have time to enjoy it. Kids no longer play outside. They are glued to television or Xbox or laptops, made available to them on demand. Five or six  years old kids  teach  parents how to operate a new smart phone. Kids and parents have become tech savvy, wanting to interact socially on virtual world than the actual world. God bless, Mark Zuckerberg for creating Facebook, else we would not have been in touch, are some of the comments from actual people. Whatever happened to thanking Alexander Bell for patenting of telephone? Simple invention but huge impact. No Iphone or tabs make you feel precious the way, we would wait for the calls or long distance trunk calls. So much money is being invested in making world a better communicative place, but on virtual basis, not on actual one.

Simplicity, humbleness, love, sharing has vanished into thin air.  Jealousy, greed, pride, overtly craziness to succeed, has taken over human simple emotions. Money now buys everything except peace and presence of mind. In my parent’s time, one person’s income would feed two-three families, but now two people’s income barely manages to self sustain. A great thinker said, “ you must earn money enough to take care of you, not much so as to take care of it.” For want of more money and stability, families have become dysfunctional. Everyone have their own shifts and time of eat, sleep and pray. No one has time for other person’s schedule, interest, or genuineness at heart to listen other person’s woes, unless it turns out to be a wonderful topic of gossip. There are lots of hidden faces in today’s world than the actuality.

Sometimes, I admire how quickly humans learn to adopt to any changes. No wonder, every one grows day by day , year after year. But I thought, with that comes the openness of heart and maturity seeps in. But every single day, someone or other proves me wrong by some act of theirs. People now have grown impatient with their own closer ones. Tolerance level has gone down the drain. Continuous comparisons, rudeness, mockery seems to be the new “COOL” attitude. See the thing is, we were raised to have a respect for all and tolerance to the highest peak.

Something to think about

If you are reading this article, please stop. Take five minutes time, to see what has happened to you and your near surroundings. People now take actual vacations in search of simplicity and peace of mind. Travel arrangers actually sell packages in name of  soul searching, peace of mind and what not. Why can’t you do it for yourself, from wherever you are right now? Do a good deed, once in a week. Help an old man/woman cross the road, give a cold water bottle to someone who is thirsty on the street, give food to an old beggar instead of money, try to go easy on your maids when they don’t turn up. Just take time to make your loved ones feel special, spend time with each other actually in a coffee bar, or cozy corner of the house.  Think about others feeling before putting yours on top. 

What happens is when you do that good deed, all your tensions vanish just like that. You feel good about yourself and also end up helping someone.  We can only change others or our situation, when we are ready to change within ourselves.

Be part of change, for better future.

See if you can do that anytime, and how you feel afterwards.

                                 
Share your experiences about good deeds and being part of the change, in the comment column below.

Do take time to read my latest cooking blog : http://lickthyplate.blogspot.in/

Little bundles of joy

It is a known fact that all kids want to grow up and the grown ups wished they never had.In the face of the difficulty and pressures of life, we start to overlook little things which may or may not make sense to others, but puts a smile on our face.

It is harder to express the same childlike enthusiasm in our matured age. But for me, age is just numbers to count. I believe one lives as long as he wishes and he dies as soon as he stops wishing. 


Off lately, I have been giving a shot to my life,which was seriously turning into nothing but a routine driven life. It screamed to break free but did not know how. Joining the writing workshop gave me a new childlike enthusiasm. I looked forward for my workshop sessions because it was one place where I did not carry my emotional baggage with me. I had absolutely nothing to expect and nothing to show off. The place, peers and the trainers were few people I looked forward to meet.

Until I experimented, I did not realize, how blinded my feelings were. I had given up on the little bundle of joys, in my life. I never noticed that very unimportant things could also bring a smile on my face. For example: after my workshop session, I was busy talking with my hubby on the mobile. I was trying to remove my two wheeler simultaneously.  But a cute guy offered to help me and removed my two wheeler from a tricky spot and parked right in the comfortable zone. I thanked him for his help and left. But what I realized was, he had managed to bring a smile on my face. Why? It reminded me that good-nature people who would help others for no cause, still do exist.

I ordered recently some books from Flipkart.com. When those books arrived on my door steps, I was excited again. I tore the wrapping envelope impatiently. When the book was in my hand, I flipped the pages of the book. There was this fresh, crispy paper aroma which bewitched me, the same way how in the beginning of academic year, I was  excited to see my new, shiny textbooks. 

At work, when there were some celebrations going on, I helped with open heart, organised things and took care of the matters I knew well. We had some balloons for decoration and once again, the smell of the balloon and the air blown in it,  got me excited. I kept on inhaling the air like a small child would do. People laughed at my kiddish behavior but i did not mind. I did what I liked.

I know my trainers at workshop would smack me for writing about life and things which screams goodie goodie stuff, but in today's world of prejudices, cynicism and manipulations, we can save ourselves by indulging in these little bundle of joy.

So take some time in your busy lives and see what are those little bundle of joys in your life.

Walking the thin line between Being Opinionated and Being Judgemental

For past two days, I have been sort of querying with my fellow colleagues on this topic. It is fun to know that we have so much different opinions about the same topic...But what struck me the most in this case, though they may be categorized differently, all the three's thought process were alike on this topic. Co-incidence? Probably because I spoke to only three of them, but I had fun as their expression and ability to project it forward was amazing.

Human thinking and various personalities traits always intrigue me to know more. So I chose carefully three different people who come from different backgrounds but all three are my fellow colleagues. Also with this discussion I got to know a bit more about the individual.

So I started with first basic question: What do you mean by being opinionated and being judgmental? Is it same or different?

The answer for second question was crystal clear, that they are two different aspects. For all three, it is that opinions are an immediate or spontaneous thought which comes to the mind, when they encounter or come across something/someone/some place. It is on a general level. For one person it was like Opinion means to express/state our feelings in a given circumstance.
              Whereas being judgmental is different. To judge means having spent a more longer period of time for a permanent type of opinion. It requires more thought process, longer span of time to have a judgement/conclusion on a characteristics, morale, attribute of certain person. For one colleague, being judgmental is more specific to any behavioral or characteristic attributes. 

My next question was: In our fast paced life and lack of time for rational thinking, are these two terms used interchangeably? Do we always know if we are being opinionated or being judgmental? Do we always recognize the difference?

Again the answer was unanimous. We do use it interchangeably. there is not even a single second where our mind is calm, quite or not thinking. We form opinions each and every second in our minds. Say for example, we see a person for first time, we have certain thought about him at-least for a split second, though it can be wrong, or we choose not to settle that in our minds. Our mind always keeps on thinking and our thinking are ultimately driven by our opinions on it. 

A person in normal state of mind, may not always be able to identify the difference between judgement or opinion.

Immediately I had this question: So can a person be both at same time or are they mutually exclusive that if one is there another cannot be there?

Surprised to hear, that we are both opinionated and judgemental. but we choose to act upon it as situation comes. We may not use both together always but we are born that way. But it is up-to an individual to be an highly opinionated person or a judgmental person. As humans, we always have opinions but we can always stop from being judgmental.







So I asked: Is it wrong to be opinionated or to be judgmental? And in person, what are they- highly opinionated or highly judgmental?

For first time, I saw a difference. The difference was one admitted to be judgemental, which meant that he gave space and understood a person well before he can form a lasting opinion; second said she is opinionated.She thinks that she is no-one to form a judgement about anyone. It is wrong to do so. last person said, that due to his meditation and spiritual rigor he has trained his mind, not to be either. He also said that in true sense, we cannot judge or have any opinion correctly, most of the times we may go wrong.

Also I read somewhere that having less or no opinions is quite frustrating for others who are in their company. For example; one goes to a restaurant and everyone has ordered around the table, and the person who has no opinion is still thinking of what to do. It irritates others who are in the company. They function in same way in their personal lives as well where they cannot stand up for anything. 

I quoted an example to understand the difference even better: For example: I see a person for first time and immediately I have certain thought in my mind. Is that our opinion or judgement call? On what basis do we have that immediate thought about someone,even if we don't know about them?

Here I got mixed ideas, where all the three said that it is our opinion which firstly comes to our mind. Kind of immediate reaction. But their explanations differed. In two gentlemen case, they said our opinions are based on our previous experience and learning. Over a period of time,we would have cultivated a sense of understanding to form an opinion.
For the lady, she said that if we have thoughts about a person who is not known to us, that is because our own aura and their aura is matching at that point of time. We do not form opinions on each and everything we see through our eyes. Something clicks and we have a thought in our mind about the person. Without even knowing, there are vibes which human mind releases, which pulls certain attention. There is a cosmic connection to what we feel at that very instance.

So I checked if these two words help mould up our individual characters?Are they in anyway an influencing or contributing factor to shape our characters?

Again,everyone agreed to it. It definitely shapes up our character and makes us what we are. It is up-to a person on how much he uses his judgement or opinions to handle or tackle a situation.But definitely because our learning,emotion, gut feelings are all contributing factors to shape our character.

After our dinner break,my discussion continued.............

I questioned: Say we feel strongly about something and we know nothing can shake our opinion/judgement about it; is it wrong to stick to it.Even if some other person think it is rude, hurtful or term it as adamant?

Here I had varied answers. One answered that it is not being judgmental or sticking to a opinion which needs to be done..it is right when we are flexible n open to thoughts;in life each experience gives us learning; when we are only open. But at times we need to stand for somethings also..all in all there  is no fixed path

Another one answered even if we feel strongly about something, we can always step back from our opinion or judgement... just to have a better learning/experience/understanding... being strongly opinionated or judgmental even if its accurate will not help and that is why there are clashes, but again it depends upon each others weakness, if both have certain weaknesses both are bound to come to certain conclusions and carry on.But if both are not ready to give up then they get separated.

The lady said that when we feel strongly about something, it is generally the right opinion which our mind would have registered. Now knowing that these factors mould our character; if we don't stick to it; we loose our originality. It means we ourselves are not clear on that feeling and hence, we give a vibe where negative or other person's thoughts can seep into us, making us more confused. But it is very difficult to follow what our mind says all the time. In true worldly sense, such people are not appreciated and are always judged by others. But if you want a person to know or understand your true original self, you should stick to your values and strong feelings. If we loose our originality,we loose our self.

When I asked this specific question, all the three thought flow turned into one single direction. Question was: Is there a way or habit which we can cultivate to stop from being judgmental or opinionated?

And everyone's' thought process fine lined to spirituality. they all agreed and said that through meditation, having good thoughts, being in company of wise people, we always stay or pick up good thoughts and habits. this helps us in slowing down our highly strong opinions or judgement calls and gives us a chance to see things clearly from all angle.

Lady suggested simple things for beginners. she said out of 24 hours, we individuals don't even dedicate 5-10 minutes of time for ourselves. we always are on the move, running errands and thinking about others than us. So if someone really wants to help themselves, it is going to be tough initially but not impossible.

Simple things like dedicating your thoughts for minimum 5 minutes on happenings of the day. How you behaved or handled a situation, if there was a better way to do so, etc etc. 

One might be amazed that initially we cannot do that also as we are occupied with so many other thoughts.

Next thing is, to start meditating, initially for 5 minutes. we will be surprised we cannot do that. Our mind works like a factory which emits thoughts every single second. To block your mind and sit idle, is a very herculean task which can be done with practice and rigor.

Once you get up from meditation, you immediately ask answers to those questions which need decisions. the positive energy which would have built up after meditation, helps us seeks answers to all our questions.

My final question to my colleague was: Is it okay to have opinions and suppress it or is it wise to not have it at all?

He answered with this peal of wisdom which he sends us all at beginning of the day. I found my answer reading it and hope you too find your answer in it. It goes like this

WHEN THE EFFECTS ARE DEVELOPED

THE SEED ALSO IS OBSERVED TO BE SUCH

AND WHEN THE EFFECTS ARE DESTROYED

THE SEED ALSO IS SEEN TO BE DESTROYED

THEREFORE ONE MUST SUBDUE THE EFFECTS

Emotion and Music.........

I believe every moment has a song attached to it........ I grew up listening to so many songs and I know them so much by heart........... I hear the prelude and I can guess which song is coming up........

Emotions are certainly relaxed by hearing any type of music, may it be instrumental or vocal........ In olden days, classical music was the source of soothing the hyper nerves...but for me, its other way around...since I don't know abc of classical, the music gives me irritation......... like a ghost has got inside me and asking me to go out of the room........... I know many of you would disagree with me, but I always liked Hindi film music more...... and my tastes were very peculiar.......

If someone asked me what genre or what type of music I like to hear....I always replied Bollywood music....but then off lately I started listening o more of western music and I started loving them too.......  The reason why I like very peculiar songs are because I connect them to my memories........

Like for example, when I used to get scoldings from dad on my mischief, I would sing inside my head, "Ayya mere papa ko gussa jab ata hain" from the movie Shool and would not concentrate on the scoldings...... That's why mom would keep saying , "This girl does not improve.."

Next came the national anthem when I was in college, the DCH song....... marking friendship...... and praising the emotions with friendship...... also secretly I hoped I could have such trips to Goa.......... When I shifted to Bangalore and was  new in city, my song was "Kitni Ajeeb Rishtay hai yahan pe......" from Page 3.......... With Anup, my darling husband it was always "My Dil goes hmm hmm hmm........". It was the first movie I saw with him and its kind of dear to me..

I remember when my friend had come down to Bangalore for some work and she had fought with her guy, she would keep on playing "Tu Jahan Main Wahan" from Salaam Namaste..... And these song would just flash  instantly across my mind with any intentions and would fix into my mind for rest of my life............

When I travel from my work place to my home, every night, I hear the song "Dil Dhadkne Do........" from ZNMD........ There is so much inspiration to the song in a way only I can relate to........ for some, the song can be just another song and I am fine with it..........  And its kind of funny when I send some music dedications on Facebook to my friends depending on situation knowing that by listening to them, it would change their minds..... off lately I did that and for my best friend Shilpa...and that was "Aas Paas Hai Khuda" from Anjaana Anjaani.....

With another friend of mine, whose guy stayed far away and she was always worried about him, I would keep thinking, "Lambi Judaai........." and one of my friend is going through same phase and she hears to the song "Teri Meri prem Kahani" from Bodyguard.......

In short everyone has a song to remember at each moment......... Some Happy and some sad.......... It gives that calmness and peace instantly......  I keep thinking, if its the words, lyrics, prelude or that particular music piece of the song which builds up the emotion in you............And there is one favorite song which over takes all other liking......... Its just like the things which you pick up, extra special, which represents you........

When a woman feels depressed

There are so many times, when a woman feels low or depressed. She wants to be left alone yet at the same time need a shoulder to cry. The best quality God could give to her was sensitivity and worst hyper-sensitivity.

A woman can get hyper sensitive or vulnerable. Rather than saying that she does not require a reason to be hyper, I could say there are many reasons why she can get hyper. A bad day at work, naughty children, family feuds, gaining weight or sometimes even bad weather.

She feels like she is unwanted, her life has no direction, doing a thankless service. She might also feel sometimes run away or break free from her regular routine.

On such days, if men try to be extra supportive so that they can get her back on track. But instead, women feel more irritated. Not that they don't know or appreciate the feelings coming from others. All she want to do is left alone, not be taken care of (but secretly hopes to be taken care of). Possible diversions to feel better is read a book, watch movies, go for stroll by themselves, shop something. Even if you do not agree, do not question her, on such days.

Some women take as little as an hour or as much as two days to recover. At the end of the depression cycle in this case, comes the good news that she has recovered. But the cherry on top of the cake, would be the news that she has not reduced your bank balance when she shopped. You want to know why?

Because when she goes for shopping, she looks at the price first and cribs even for the product being costly or over rated. I agree at the pity situation but somewhere at back of her mind, she knows she would end up screwing the monthly budget. That's the power of consciousness and restrain, a woman has in herself.

Women are god's beautiful creation but not the perfect one. She needs her own space and time too. A woman born in this age is quite lucky, because she can voice her opinions. But you cannot take out a little performance, she puts up in face of depression...... her way to have fun......

Shifting loyalties...

I have heard and read in newspapers so many times that a celebrity was married to one, fell in love with another while he/she was married to some one else and then ditched and went out with else again.... I keep wondering how can loyalties keep changing from one person to another so frequently and that too in matters of love? 

There are so many celebrities who have strings of affairs and illegitimate relationships before they actually settle in for a marriage. In India, I guess this has been noticed much now in younger generations, both with boys and girls in teens and youth having many boyfriends or girlfriends, going on double dates. Now a days you watch any commercial which targets young audience, they show that it is easy shifting loyalties and yet fall in love again and again....

A mindset has sunk in that if a relation does not work out, they have options of falling out every now and then. Yes, to an extent I agree that you should fall out of a relation when it is not working, but you should ask a question to yourself, have I done everything from my end to save it? Or if the problem is with me, can I correct it? It is a blame game.... Even when you fall in love, you blame saying, "he/she made me fall in love with him/her."... when you are getting out of it, you will say, " she/he was always wrong and she/ he is at fault for this relation not to end." Its like you can easily transfer the burden of guilt of not working out on other person in relation, since you know you will never cross his/her road ever again.

Earlier, if a married couple had any issues, they would resolve it as much as possible and ensure they stay in the wedlock rather than drifting apart. I think its good way to deal when the issues are petty issues but not when there is major rift creator or which involves any violence or mental trauma to any of the party. but thanks to imitating all good and bad of the west, we also have learnt not to resolve issues but to kill it by falling out of it.. The question here is, why do we have to take the easier route of falling out rather than taking difficult route of adjusting and learning to resolve issues and stay together?


People have stopped trying and putting the efforts, which it takes to stay in relation and go on with it smoothly.Even on television, in daily soaps they show the main character falling in and out of relations and wedlock so easily.... by the end of serial they would be at least married 5 times...Is it so easy to shift your loyalties towards different people?


Like SRK mentions in the movie KKHH," Hum ek bar jite hain, ek bar marte hain, pyaar bhi ek hi bar hota hain." (but that's little contradictory to what he ends up doing finally, he marries Anjali as well.) I always believe that love is very precious and there should be only one such person in life whom you can shower your love with. Your time, mind, body and soul is just devoted to that person. But having said this, there are few practical situations as well which I have seen for myself. Two people in love having distance relationship and that falling out because guy/gal must be just fooling around and running away from responsibilities of getting married or in wedlock husband abusing wife daily, which I strictly disapprove of.

When you are in love, you respect the  person and you want to have the very best for things in life. In India, where emotions shown are more, it is just not that easy to forget such life altering experiences. Yes, life moves on but the feelings would have left  a scar on your heart forever. When one has a girlfriend or boyfriend, he/she just wants to be with the other as much as possible but when there are tensions, same people just want to seperate easily and find someone new in  life. What happens to all that emotions and happiness when things just issues arises? Is it so easy to forget your favorite hangouts, your frequently visited restaurants, parks where you sat together holding each other's hand,etc etc?

Things and situations in life keeps changing every second. But that does not mean you give up your love depending in bad situation. Then your love was conditional love which would stick only in good times. Every person has their  high and low points, but to stay with them and work things out is really a lesson we should learn from our elders and their elders. Freedom of expression in relation and life is always nice to have but also we should realize that love and marriage are not any games but life altering experiences and involves two people's entire life revolving around it. So no matter, how much independent we become, we should respect and love whom we call as our lovers/life partners. After hope is what we carry through our life.....................

Marriage: a new journey or roadblock for girls

I often come across girls mentioning that they are afraid to be married or hate to be married since it demands a lot from them post marriage.. My Aiah Thata (maternal grandpa) would always scold me when I would do any sloppy work saying, " Tomorrow when you get married, your mother in law will hit you nicely if you don't obey her..." and my reply would be "I will tell my mother in law, Bring it on!" for I had all the guts to stand for my rights...


Time flew so quickly from that conversation & today, after 2 years and 5 months of my marriage, I often keep thinking on this topic... I have found a wonderful friend and life partner in Anup. Often people confuse that we are bachelors and are in live in relationship... I am even more lucky to have found a very easy natured mother in law and caring father in law.... May be this is the reason, I actually negate to why girls should feel like that..... Somewhere I read (I don't remember exactly) that girls sacrifice a lot in marriage.I fail to understand how do girls sacrifice in marriage? Leaving parents house & going to husband's house is a tradition which has been followed from ages, which is also a known fact to every single girl right from childhood..


A husband welcomes a new member in family.. It is the biggest challenge for him. He has to shift his loyalties & priorities towards his wife a little more, to make her comfortable. He has to go out and work so that he can fulfill all the wishes in the family. He cannot leave his job and sit at home saying, "I don't want to go to work. I want to sit at home." We girls at least have that option. He has to help his wife with household works like paying bills,picking groceries,etc . He has to manage his household expenses in same efficient way with additional one member added to his family. A "no" for anything will not be well received by wife, so he has to make YES as his favorite word. Even if the curry prepared is very bad, he eats and says,"Wow sweetie! its awesome...tumhare haaton mein jaadu hain." and even after saying this, he still has answering to do for a questionnaire of "is it too salty?, is it too spicy, is it too bland, you are lying aren't you? shall I prepare it next time again? why are you having so little?". There is a constant expectation to express their love for her. He has to fine tune his majority of habits according to his wife's likings to keep her happy. 


I don't say girls do not put in efforts in marriage. But we show and keep telling it out loud, every now and then.Yes we put equal efforts but also do give up when those efforts are not fruitful. Expectations are high on both, husband and wife, equally. On girls, its expectation to run household efficiently and also get along with new family members. On boys, its responsibility and duties towards his wife and family. Girls forget that now a days, they also have an opinion and a voice. If they are not happy about anything, they should not straight enter the ring with gloves like Mike Tyson, but should be able to wisely put across things and find a solution. 


Both, husband and wife have very important roles to play in marriage but just that the parameters are different. Its just great that husbands don't count and show how much sacrifices they have to undergo. for example: If wives are asked for money for some emergency, they will end up feeling "see he cant tolerate that I have surplus money with me." But have they ever wondered, how difficult it would be for him to part from his hard earned money to fulfill their wishes every time?


Problems are part and parcel of married life. Few problems are easily forgettable and correctable, few leave a mark on heart and mind for ever. I feel before we expecting anything out from our husband, we should think if we are fulfilling his expectations? Don't answer this question yourself. Ask him how he feels about you being a part of his life and what bothers or worries him the most about you? Communication is key to resolving biggest problems between couple. Initial settlement & adjustments problems post marriage are bound to be there, but how early they can overcome this hurdle is left to both of them. Why not see your in laws in same love filled eyes like you see your parents. I know no one can ever replace their position in life, but you its unfair not to give that chance to your in laws as well.... You are comparing 24-25 years of your parents love to few months of your in laws acquaintance and end up making your biases. Rituals, practices ought to differ from house to house, but its also a great opportunity to learn something new and also put in your thoughts in them and enjoy than comparing. 


I think marriage requires lot of maturity,patience, respect for individuals in the family and also understanding of what it takes to be someone's  wife. At same time, I feel we are new age women who can express herself in best manner possible and working out on issues than complicating them. We should continue leading normal life and enjoy life ,as we would before marriage and not lose one's individuality, but at same time also understand new responsibilities given to you. If yes is answers to all the above questions, congrats! you are ready for wonderful joy ride called MARRIAGE!

Daddy..... How did you feel that moment?

There are so many relations in this world. Of all the relations, I cherish the one with my DAD the most. Why is this father and daughter's bond so strong? Why do fathers cry when they get their darling princesses married? What is this special bond between them which no words can explain? This question lingered me yesterday, all day long. I went into flashback of my life and saw only those moments which I and DAD had spent.

 I would say I did not make a great first impression on my dad when he saw me for the first time. He had come down to Bangalore to see me and my mom at the hospital. Dad came to my granny’s house first, only to find my cute not so-elder brother Ashoki playing with his toys and a domestic help to control his mischief. When dad asked my brother to guide him the way, he happily agreed and said in broken Kannada, "Nange Nangi hutidalle" (meaning my younger sis is born, tangi became nangi).Dad came to the hospital and everyone started praising about my then beautiful looks ( God knows when it vanished! Anyways).I had little nose, cute pink cheeks and was very fair. Well dad waited impatiently and nurse held me in her arms and started walking me to the room. I was nervous to see who my dad was and kept winking my eyes innocently (hoping my charms worked on him) and smiling all the way long. He took me in his arms and as the story haunts me time and again, I pooped on his shirt out of nervousness. "Ayyo", my dad said and he thought, "She is going to be a very difficult child to handle."

Well, to great extent yes, I was a difficult child to handle. I was very mischievous and would blame my innocent, sober brother for them. Right from burning the cane furniture in balcony for experiments to teaching my brother how to bunk karate classes in class three, to walking almost five kms from school to dad's office in Mumbai at age of 6 & 8.He has seen me in all the wrong glory I was proud of. But he never punished me for my mischief, why?

In school, I was never a brilliant student. I would fail in two or three subjects in Unit tests and then manage to pass through annual exams. But he never would say anything but year after year take promise from me that I would study hard for coming year. He knew I would not keep up to my promise. But he showed faith in me, why?

He always wanted me to focus on one thing at a time and do it with perfection. I always wanted to impress my dad for some reason or other. Why? I did not know. But he encouraged me to do everything I asked him. There was never a NO from his side, but he would expect me to give him results for that. He gave me all the liberties and freedom a dad can give her daughter to explore and become more independent and confident In a world where girls are still not allowed basic rights of life, he did give me all the lenience equal to my brother, why?

I remember back in those days, every Sunday morning we would watch Rangoli where all old songs were played. I would always get up late and sleep on my dad's lap.  He would cuddle me and pat on my forehead and that feeling was beyond words. What was that feeling?

I grew up to become a very aggressive teenager, challenging anything and everything coming my way. My dad was person who took maximum brunt of my reckless behavior. I remember the night I had went to my school reunion and had returned very late. He was awake until I returned and panicked. He could not control his anxiety and waited for me impatiently. Though I felt it was little over-protective of him to do so, what went through his mind at that time?

Dad has always been protective of me. I had fractured my leg once, because I used to put my legs in the cycle spokes. He had rushed me to hospital and did not mind carrying me in his arms. When I did some drama and asked something to eat, as if I had famished and had not eaten for ages, he got me 50-50 krackjack biscuit packet. I finished the whole packet. Why did he give in to my demand, even after knowing that I was the drama queen of the house?

He has been pillar of my strength and someone whom I look up to. Whatever the decisions may be, he allowed me to take it for myself. May it be the line of studies in college or whether to shift to Bangalore immediately after college, he said yes. Countless times I expected him to support and he always did that. He knew where to hold back and where to let go. But how did he feel when I would make such decisions without asking him?

The one time I feared him a lot was when I told him about Anup wanting to marry me. Dad is not a great fan of love marriage nor does he believe that young kids can make such life altering decisions for themselves. But when I did tell him, he took some time, interviewed Anup with questionnaire; which he had prepared (like me) and gave my love a green signal. It took exactly five days to hear a yes and all those days, I wished for is a YES. What made him say yes? How did it feel that moment to know that his darling princess had some new person in her life apart from him?

All these questions bothered me yesterday while watching the movie, "FATHER OF THE BRIDE". Finally I got the answer in another incident in my marriage when he gave my hand in Anup's hand and asked him to look after me like he did; dad had uncontrollable tears in his eyes. At that point of time, I was in a state where I could see all the flashbacks from childhood and never wanted to leave daddy and go with Anup. I started crying like I was never going to see him again.

A father always dreads the day, when he has to send his daughter away forever with her husband. When she is growing up, he is there to see all her mischief, all her drama and all her achievements. Those moments are just between him and his daughter. He fears to lose those moments when she grows up. He is a proud dad when she does something very creditable in her life and when he knows his darling Princess has grown to become a fine woman, a person who can replicate his upbringing.

I am proud of the fact that I am his daughter. I always remember these words which he told Anup, "I am giving you a piece of my body and full of my heart". I cannot explain the depths of these words but just wanted to say my dad, “I love you and I owe my life and happiness to you. I always know that if I am happy, you are happy. No one can take you away from me and I am proud that I am your reflection. YOU ARE MY ONLY HERO."

Accepting reality.............

Sorry guys! Its been long time that I sat down peacefully and wrote something.......... Well I wont say this is the best day to start because when I see outside my window, its a dull, cold, rainy morning and all I can think is of just laze around and slip into a cozy blanket...... But on purpose,I kept my windows open and let the cold wind touch me to refresh me.............

Its been a month of non stop travel for me and Anup. I had been to Pune after one year and the first time, post my parents shifted to Bangalore completely......... It was my best friend Neetu's wedding and was super excited to hear and be part of her celebrations........ When I booked my ticket to Pune, I was happy on one side and sad on another....... Happy because Neetu was getting married and sad because this was the first time ever I was going to Pune and I had to stay over in my friend's house rather than our own........

As the day was nearing to leave to Pune, I felt a lump in my throat.... Will I be comfortable going there and staying with Neetu? No wonder I and Neetu are close friends but there were very few night outs in us since she lived in first building and I lived in last but one building in our colony......Back of my mind, I always wished mom and dad should not have sold our house in Pune..... but it was a known fact from the time we moved to Pune, that one day my parents would shift permanently to Bangalore.... Mind and Heart were not coming to terms with what had happened and not accepting the fact that we don't live there anymore....

The day arrived to leave for Pune..A quick call to mom checking if she needed any imports from Pune since I was on my way...her answer added more pain to my disturbed mind........ "No, Nothing"...... After 20 long hours of journey, I reached Pune station.... I got down and searched for my parents who would always pick me up, when they knew I would be coming... I thought "Stupid mind, mom dad are in Bangalore... Neetu is coming"....... First face to face with reality.... Then Neetu came, we left to her house and I started speaking to her about marriage arrangements and everything ......... When rickshaw walah took a wrong turn, I told him," Kaka, rickshaw Lakshmi road varun kada." I said to myself, " Not bad, haven't forgotten the roads."

We reached our colony, got down and Neetu's mind calculator started working to come to a figure of how much needs to be paid to rickshaw walah... (digits on meter*8)+3................... Neetu's mom welcomed us and then began my actual stay...... For next three days, I started helping Neetu and family to make last minute arrangements for wedding, since wedding was to take place in the house.From labeling of silver items to packing of eatables, it was all pending...I met my friend's mom and brother Rishi (who has grown up tall from the last time I saw him),Teja,Ashwini,& also saw too many parrots in Neetu's balcony.

Just two days before the marriage day, I was lying on my bed and thinking why was it now feeling weird? I am in Pune and know I have just come to attend Neetu's wedding. I kept myself busy throughout the day by doing some or other work and night went in sleeping.... What is it that I am missing the most now even after being in Pune?

I thought and thought and thought....... My heart gave me an answer....  I sent out a sms instantly to mom,dad and Ashok.... Mom called back almost within next 30 seconds and asked what happened? I explained what I felt and she said, she is happy to know that she understood what was situation and why this had to happen.....

I woke up next day, changed the plan and instead of leaving on tuesday( wedding was on sunday), I booked myself a ticket on monday....

Marriage day came. All went fine and we all friends and Neetu's Mama and Maushi managed to manage the guest,serve them food and keep them entertained and also not miss the main functions ourselves.....Marriage was over and then reception too... I went with Neetu to her new home as Path Rakhin( some one who accompanies the bride post marriage on her first day to her in laws house). We were too exhausted to do anything but sleep once we reached... But inside me,I had a chuckle that I am leaving tomorrow....

Next day we came back from Neetu's house.I was supposed to stay with Teju as per original plan. I called her up and informed of change in my plan and she invited me to have lunch with them before leaving.... I went to Teju's place.Teju's building is opposite the building I used to stay. I did not put my head up when I neared my building and then reached her house. We talked for while catching up on so many things we had not spoken of.... Kaaku called us for lunch.. We went to kitchen and started eating. From the place I was sitting, my house was clearly visible through the window. I saw our terrace where we used to keep our big swing. It was there standing tall and blue (dad had left it behind because of its weight and problem of space). I saw Ashoki's room and this time color of curtains were different. It struck to me, house did not look the same ,how I saw it the last time. House number B6/13's owner had changed and also the way it was kept.....


This was the moment... My face to face with reality.....I recollected what I had told my family two days earlier in my sms...it read, "Home is where you guys are..." I loved to come back to this city because my mom,dad and Ashok were staying here....... But even after being in Pune, I was missing something and that was their presence.....Thats why I had the urge to see my family....... 

I smiled at myself, waved Teju and her family goodbye and left for Bangalore.... Usually once a sad Preeti while leaving Pune,was happy to go to Bangalore and meet her family.....

I overcame my fear and learnt that, 'its just not the walls, or the rooms or the house you lived which makes it special....but the people and their emotions with whom you stay, makes you want to get back to that place....and now for me, that is Bangalore'......