Be a part of the change

So much has changed in our lives. 

There were days when whole colony or street came together to watch a Ramayana or Small Wonder serial. Kids would endlessly play in the hot sun in their summer vacations. They would climb trees,steal guavas or mangoes, play pranks on each other. Relations were given so much importance. Simplicity was considered beautiful. People would be generous, social and less self absorbed. Their homes would be open to anyone at any point of time. People from out station would prefer to come and halt at their relative’s place than in a hotel. The hosts would go to railway station or bus stand to pick up and drop the guests. Friendships were to die for, no second thoughts given. Loyalties and caring nature was the main attitude of the hour. People would look forward for festivals to cook sweets and savories for the family and everyone would be involved in putting up a good festivity. Though incomes were less or seemed less, for time like now, people were peaceful in their heart and mind. Fathers, however tired they would be, would take out their kids on cycles or scooters to nearby parks or any entertainment places.

With change of the decade and then the century, priorities changed for people. Money and status took over their minds. Every new and shiny thing started occupying the empty corners of the house. With increased incomes, humbleness and caring nature were replaced by ego and greed. People became more addicted to materialistic pleasures than actual people around them. Life got busy and now there is no time for socializing. Half of the time, people think of reasons to turn down any invites made to any functions. Hectic schedules, demanding careers stress people to the extent that they just fall into daily pattern of eating, sleeping, and working. Fun, pleasures of family time is limited to the weekends. More money has added to more tensions of life even if the couple earns handsome money for the family, they don’t have time to enjoy it. Kids no longer play outside. They are glued to television or Xbox or laptops, made available to them on demand. Five or six  years old kids  teach  parents how to operate a new smart phone. Kids and parents have become tech savvy, wanting to interact socially on virtual world than the actual world. God bless, Mark Zuckerberg for creating Facebook, else we would not have been in touch, are some of the comments from actual people. Whatever happened to thanking Alexander Bell for patenting of telephone? Simple invention but huge impact. No Iphone or tabs make you feel precious the way, we would wait for the calls or long distance trunk calls. So much money is being invested in making world a better communicative place, but on virtual basis, not on actual one.

Simplicity, humbleness, love, sharing has vanished into thin air.  Jealousy, greed, pride, overtly craziness to succeed, has taken over human simple emotions. Money now buys everything except peace and presence of mind. In my parent’s time, one person’s income would feed two-three families, but now two people’s income barely manages to self sustain. A great thinker said, “ you must earn money enough to take care of you, not much so as to take care of it.” For want of more money and stability, families have become dysfunctional. Everyone have their own shifts and time of eat, sleep and pray. No one has time for other person’s schedule, interest, or genuineness at heart to listen other person’s woes, unless it turns out to be a wonderful topic of gossip. There are lots of hidden faces in today’s world than the actuality.

Sometimes, I admire how quickly humans learn to adopt to any changes. No wonder, every one grows day by day , year after year. But I thought, with that comes the openness of heart and maturity seeps in. But every single day, someone or other proves me wrong by some act of theirs. People now have grown impatient with their own closer ones. Tolerance level has gone down the drain. Continuous comparisons, rudeness, mockery seems to be the new “COOL” attitude. See the thing is, we were raised to have a respect for all and tolerance to the highest peak.

Something to think about

If you are reading this article, please stop. Take five minutes time, to see what has happened to you and your near surroundings. People now take actual vacations in search of simplicity and peace of mind. Travel arrangers actually sell packages in name of  soul searching, peace of mind and what not. Why can’t you do it for yourself, from wherever you are right now? Do a good deed, once in a week. Help an old man/woman cross the road, give a cold water bottle to someone who is thirsty on the street, give food to an old beggar instead of money, try to go easy on your maids when they don’t turn up. Just take time to make your loved ones feel special, spend time with each other actually in a coffee bar, or cozy corner of the house.  Think about others feeling before putting yours on top. 

What happens is when you do that good deed, all your tensions vanish just like that. You feel good about yourself and also end up helping someone.  We can only change others or our situation, when we are ready to change within ourselves.

Be part of change, for better future.

See if you can do that anytime, and how you feel afterwards.

                                 
Share your experiences about good deeds and being part of the change, in the comment column below.

Do take time to read my latest cooking blog : http://lickthyplate.blogspot.in/

My Journey in Friendship........

As kids, we had always been moving from one city to another, and there were towns too.... Transfers are hard especially on growing kids. But at that point of time, there seems less or no options. After I was born, I went to Pune, then Mumbai then Beed and finally coming back to Pune.... So its been twice that I lived in Pune and that itself makes the city a special place to be.


We shifted there when I was in class 5th and I stayed there until my graduation. It was the longest stay we had in any given city. My dad had made this decision that we were going to be stationed in Pune and he would travel on weekends to be with us. We did not realize then, how difficult it was for him to stay away from his wife and kids, so that he could give us a better life. We were happy that we could make new friends finally... Long lasting friendships....... 


And that happened too....Me and my brother made great friends who not only were our best buddies but also like extended family.  We played with them, fought with them, came home complaining, gossiping, taking trips, going to hotels, celebrations,etc etc. We belonged more to them than to our relatives back here.Staying away from your native makes you like that. But from the time me and my brother were born, we had never stayed in native..just summer vacation visits.....




Time flew by and I shifted to Bangalore. I left behind my friends who remained in Pune, since they were native. So started the long distance friendships...


But my question is like relationships, does a long distance friendship work well? 


Daily calls to all the friends, thinking they are as much available as I would be... Daily turned to weekly to cut down the call expenses, weekly to fortnightly and then for long time monthly........... 


It was not about money anymore...It was about acceptability fact that no matter how lonely and tired you are at end of the day,how much sad you are that you have not made new friends but also not seeing your old buddies, they are not there at that moment.


Every birthdays, celebrations, friendship days would had to be alone or not at all.. Lack of enthusiasm hovered over. Sending of letters, greeting cards on each occasion stopped. But whose mistake was it anyway? I made a choice to shift to new city for new opportunity in life, and that was the price I had to pay. There came a point where I realized that I had not moved on. I had held my old buddies too close to heart that I did not give any space for new to fit in. I was stuck with memories of my old buddies that I gave none chance to make new impressions. I felt extremely hurt because I had thought that these friends of mine, like me, will not move on. But I realized, they had other friends too. 


But in new city, especially a single girl, has to be careful. I had my shares of bad taste friendships when I was new to the place. Mean and calculative friendships began to show up. Friends, in pretense of friendship, would seek opportunities to take help from me financially. As if I was the only person working or a bank to fund their luxuries. But "No" was a very hard word for me to say, especially in case of new friends, whom I did not want to loose, because I feared, what if I lost their friendship too. So these friends came with their price tags and ulterior motives of month-end financial dependence on me. I put an end to such friendships eventually.


I soon realized friendship no longer meant to be there for each other or was non profit oriented. Memories of laughter,sitting endlessly and talking about each and everyone, was completely back up filed. Those came in forefront only on the days when I would go crazy completely to find a thing to do.





When you are new in city, a new sense of freedom is what you get. But being from traditional background and also moved into a city where all my relatives are stationed, it was little more difficult to treat guys and gal friends alike. A fear of who would think what always hovered in my mind. So I had to take care of those people who never ever came to see me, if I was dead or alive, when I shifted to Bangalore.


It is very difficult to find people with whom you can completely loose yourself. Like you don't have to worry, if what you say, do,wear,eat will have any effect on them. You don't need to fear that would they be sensitive enough to understand me? But such friends who create an impression and have a permanent place in your heart, are a dying breed now.Staying away from friends is difficult  and no one knows better than me, whose half the time revolved around her friends.


No wonder, the emotion, memories and everything about the friend keeps coming back on your face,as a smile...its tragic but true that long distances do brings its share of bad luck with relations and friendships.It brings in the waiting game, unavailability of the moment, not seeing each other regular pain, forgetting to inform something really important,etc etc.


As my mother always says and I quote "Out of sight is out of mind". For long time, I did want to prove her wrong but ultimately she won. I see so many times, my friends not keeping me in loop or forgetting to tell me important details of life like buying a house, buying a car, getting engaged,etc etc. But I never did that to them. And it kept on bothering me, that was I expecting too much from them? If I would have been in front of them, they definitely would have told us.


One of my childhood friend, after her education shifted to Mumbai. She started working there and lost touch of all us. Where she worked, what she did, no one knew. Somehow she made a call to my friend and from her, we got to know happenings of this Mumbai friend. So, big day of my life, my engagement was nearing by. So I called all my friends immediately on the day, when all elders fixed the date. She answered the call and started speaking to me in Hindi. All our lives, we had been making conversations in Marathi and she spoke in Hindi. I realized that she had changed and a lot. How much possibly can one person change in six months time? She had forgotten about us.


I feel sad sometimes, to see one person have so many friends so much so that they can hang out with one person every day and yet they would not be out of friends. But that type of networking was never for me. Acquaintances, Sure!!! true friends, can count on tip of my finger. But that does not mean I am jealous or unhappy about those who have many friends. 

Like love, it is hard to tell when and at what point of life, can you find a true friendship, which you wont forget ever. 


But my doubt is; In today's world, can we find true friendship? Acts of kindness, help when needed are all actions based on basic courtesy and humanity. But does true friendship happen only when these are done? Then are these friendships based on pure emotions/needs or motives hidden behind the masks?




Still today, to all my long distanced friends, I wanted to say my love for them had never reduced.

Going away..........

Why do I feel the pain when someone goes away or something comes to an end? Which part of the  "going away "saddens me the most?

Right from childhood, I have always loved to help my friends and family with anything and everything. All I expected is that they smile back at me for the help done since I don't handle compliments very well...It makes me feel something weird and also for the fact that I rarely got any compliments from anyone in life..... Even when I or my brother did something good or credible (rare for me at least, me being more naughty than my sober mellow brother), my parents would not praise us in front of others... They always wanted others to see for themselves and if they feel, praise us...

When I would not find that smile on the person, I would feel like is there something wrong in me that I did not deserve that beautiful smile, inspite of being helpful? I felt that people had stopped appreciating good deeds? I do not recall which year, but on 1st Jan I had made resolution to do "One kind deed every single day of the year"...  Though not everyday, I managed to do few things huge that would always stay close to my heart for only reason that I helped.....

First one was me making an outstanding effort to hold a puppy on carrier seat of my brother's cycle (back in school, we used to go on our cycle) for a distance of 2 .5 kilometres from school to home. The only reason I brought this puppy home was because it was hit by a vehicle and was limping. I managed to get it home, give it a bath, make a royal bed (pillow + bedsheet) in our bathroom and also sing a lullaby to put it to sleep. Over its 1 week stay with us, I had managed to create some funny moments for my family, especially when puppy did a poo poo and mom asked me to clean it... I turned to the puppy and said "Yakappa nin ishtu kata kodtiya?" (why are you troubling me so much?). Day came when I had to let it go since it was completely cured by motherly love, I had showered in the past week. I felt sad for the thought that I may never see this puppy again.Like a film story shows, when I turned my back towards it walking away from him, it started barking and said "Bow bow, bow bow bow" in a softer tone... I heard "Tusi jaa rahe ho, tusi na jao!"... I just ran towards my house in grief and cried my heart out. I could have kept it and tamed it, but it was a street dog and would have only lived better on street... Why force myself on it just because it cannot speak.

Second thing I remember is when me and my friends thought we will gift the underprivileged something on Diwali... we all collected money from our neighbors, bought clothes,crackers and sweets. We distributed this to the children who worked in a hotel in Tulasi bagh. I saw the happiness in their eyes... And I felt like an angel to someone whom I don't know or will probably never know in my life...

Of the recent past, the same feeling rushed back to me... that too Twice! Once when my best friend Shilps shifted from Bangalore to Chennai to join a new company... When she broke the news to me, I was in a state of dilemma whether to encourage her for  good or just discourage her and create fear about new city, so that she stays back in Bangalore, since she was the only friend I had here... I started crying over the call saying "you cannot go there, what will I do without you" ........ Since I knew Shilps and her life's history, it was only wise and correct for me, to encourage her so that she progressed in her life...I knew at back of my mind it will take months together to see her face again and somewhere in her heart, she wished someone would say something encouraging about her big step than criticize... The day came when she had to leave, I visited her and spent sometime with her... I sat in the rickshaw and waved her goodbye. Rickshaw guy pulled away and my tears started its journey from my eyes to my cheeks...

I kept myself busy, to stay away from the pain, in form of my French class.... I made great friends there and the whole class was bunch of collective individuals at the beginning of the classes but we turned out to be a full on mischievous and fun loving group towards the end of classes. We would go for breakfast everyday after class to SLV, laugh a lot, discuss and share our thoughts, plan things to do something exciting.... I started enjoying thoroughly  going there and spending time with my friends.. The day came when we had our final oral exam and we got to know we all fared well.... We threw our imaginary graduation type of caps in air and congratulated each other.. Post breakfast, we all decided to take admission in same batch for next level as well...Everyone left and again I was left with my grief that it was all over and that I may or may not be able to see few of them in life again....

I started wondering from that day, what is that which makes me feel sad when something is nearing its end or someone is going away? Is it the moment when you turn your back from the person to leave; so many things you wanted to say but you could not; if known, the fact that you will never see them or the distances which comes in way in terms of place or closeness in hearts?

For me, my biggest pain was to know that I have no control on events, which are bound to happen. All I had to do is go through the pain. Also the feeling that distances would bring down the same magic we used to have when we would be together. All I pray is that God will help me pass through it and that he has something stored for me in some other form to pass through the journey called LIFE.

Accepting reality.............

Sorry guys! Its been long time that I sat down peacefully and wrote something.......... Well I wont say this is the best day to start because when I see outside my window, its a dull, cold, rainy morning and all I can think is of just laze around and slip into a cozy blanket...... But on purpose,I kept my windows open and let the cold wind touch me to refresh me.............

Its been a month of non stop travel for me and Anup. I had been to Pune after one year and the first time, post my parents shifted to Bangalore completely......... It was my best friend Neetu's wedding and was super excited to hear and be part of her celebrations........ When I booked my ticket to Pune, I was happy on one side and sad on another....... Happy because Neetu was getting married and sad because this was the first time ever I was going to Pune and I had to stay over in my friend's house rather than our own........

As the day was nearing to leave to Pune, I felt a lump in my throat.... Will I be comfortable going there and staying with Neetu? No wonder I and Neetu are close friends but there were very few night outs in us since she lived in first building and I lived in last but one building in our colony......Back of my mind, I always wished mom and dad should not have sold our house in Pune..... but it was a known fact from the time we moved to Pune, that one day my parents would shift permanently to Bangalore.... Mind and Heart were not coming to terms with what had happened and not accepting the fact that we don't live there anymore....

The day arrived to leave for Pune..A quick call to mom checking if she needed any imports from Pune since I was on my way...her answer added more pain to my disturbed mind........ "No, Nothing"...... After 20 long hours of journey, I reached Pune station.... I got down and searched for my parents who would always pick me up, when they knew I would be coming... I thought "Stupid mind, mom dad are in Bangalore... Neetu is coming"....... First face to face with reality.... Then Neetu came, we left to her house and I started speaking to her about marriage arrangements and everything ......... When rickshaw walah took a wrong turn, I told him," Kaka, rickshaw Lakshmi road varun kada." I said to myself, " Not bad, haven't forgotten the roads."

We reached our colony, got down and Neetu's mind calculator started working to come to a figure of how much needs to be paid to rickshaw walah... (digits on meter*8)+3................... Neetu's mom welcomed us and then began my actual stay...... For next three days, I started helping Neetu and family to make last minute arrangements for wedding, since wedding was to take place in the house.From labeling of silver items to packing of eatables, it was all pending...I met my friend's mom and brother Rishi (who has grown up tall from the last time I saw him),Teja,Ashwini,& also saw too many parrots in Neetu's balcony.

Just two days before the marriage day, I was lying on my bed and thinking why was it now feeling weird? I am in Pune and know I have just come to attend Neetu's wedding. I kept myself busy throughout the day by doing some or other work and night went in sleeping.... What is it that I am missing the most now even after being in Pune?

I thought and thought and thought....... My heart gave me an answer....  I sent out a sms instantly to mom,dad and Ashok.... Mom called back almost within next 30 seconds and asked what happened? I explained what I felt and she said, she is happy to know that she understood what was situation and why this had to happen.....

I woke up next day, changed the plan and instead of leaving on tuesday( wedding was on sunday), I booked myself a ticket on monday....

Marriage day came. All went fine and we all friends and Neetu's Mama and Maushi managed to manage the guest,serve them food and keep them entertained and also not miss the main functions ourselves.....Marriage was over and then reception too... I went with Neetu to her new home as Path Rakhin( some one who accompanies the bride post marriage on her first day to her in laws house). We were too exhausted to do anything but sleep once we reached... But inside me,I had a chuckle that I am leaving tomorrow....

Next day we came back from Neetu's house.I was supposed to stay with Teju as per original plan. I called her up and informed of change in my plan and she invited me to have lunch with them before leaving.... I went to Teju's place.Teju's building is opposite the building I used to stay. I did not put my head up when I neared my building and then reached her house. We talked for while catching up on so many things we had not spoken of.... Kaaku called us for lunch.. We went to kitchen and started eating. From the place I was sitting, my house was clearly visible through the window. I saw our terrace where we used to keep our big swing. It was there standing tall and blue (dad had left it behind because of its weight and problem of space). I saw Ashoki's room and this time color of curtains were different. It struck to me, house did not look the same ,how I saw it the last time. House number B6/13's owner had changed and also the way it was kept.....


This was the moment... My face to face with reality.....I recollected what I had told my family two days earlier in my sms...it read, "Home is where you guys are..." I loved to come back to this city because my mom,dad and Ashok were staying here....... But even after being in Pune, I was missing something and that was their presence.....Thats why I had the urge to see my family....... 

I smiled at myself, waved Teju and her family goodbye and left for Bangalore.... Usually once a sad Preeti while leaving Pune,was happy to go to Bangalore and meet her family.....

I overcame my fear and learnt that, 'its just not the walls, or the rooms or the house you lived which makes it special....but the people and their emotions with whom you stay, makes you want to get back to that place....and now for me, that is Bangalore'......

F.R.I.E.N.D.S........ my friends

Friends.......simple word but has lots of meaning to it..........a just hi friend, a friend whom you smile or wave at once in a while, a friend whom you remember always but dont call frequently to check how are they, a friend as important as anyone in your family, a friend whom you consider your soul mate.........

In my life, friends have always been my major support..... I share anything and everything with them.... just a few of them whom I hold very close to me, but what impact they leave me is beyond any words or expressions..... Being in a different city makes me miss my friends back in Pune..Pune has all the sweet memories........

My mom always used to worry about me when I was a kid and when other kids would be mean to me or tease me for me being bespecatcled,ugly, whatever..... I would run to her if someone hurt me bad or make fun of me and cry.and she would be nice and wipe my tears.but her fears never wiped out for me....... As I grew up slowly, I started turning into a hot tempered girl, call it adolscense or anger of being an ugly duckling... dont know but developed a complex for sure......

Shraddhu at my wedding.

I found a great gem at school in my friend Shraddha Shenoy...... She was one who understood me and be there for me... Wild memories remind me of myself and her going to karate in school as extra circular activity, eating tiffins together in school break (she would love to eat Akki Rotti i.e. Rice flour thalipit and especially the part which would be more cooked), having madras cafe toffees in school canteen, she was tour guide when we had gone to Goa (Shraddhu's native place) for a school trip........ We had lot of fun together and she is only friend of mine with whom I have been in touch with ,since we left school......... Whenever I used to visit Pune, I would visit her and she and I just would hang out atleast once and share whatever we had not updated about each other in long time........ She shares this amazing rapport with her mom, which I like a lot and she is big bully though she is just 3 days elder to me........ But I love her the way she is, her grace and her easy nature.......

At my residence in Pune, my friends were Teja Kale, Neeta Kashikar, Ashwini Shirsathe, Sayali Kale, Sayali Bhide, Anuradha Vaidya......... we were a gang of girls who used to play together, in later years sit on benches we marked as our own, share each and every thing with each other...... My deadline to get back home was 7.00 pm, being from a south indian family values, but deadline would alwasy extend to 7.30, 8.00, sometimes even 9.00............ Ah...I would hate the time when my dad would see me coming up the stairs, giving me a killer look and a look at the wall clock..... to indicate I was late..........

Later as we grew up, I saw Teju starting to focus on her singing classes and riyaaz (practice) which she would do without....... Music is like blood running in her........ She always wanted to be a singer and she never shifted her focus from it and now is Masters in the subject....... She drifted slowly apart in her thirst for music knowledge, which later on made her to stay in Kolkatta, Lucknow and Mumbai...... She is the most focussed person about her career, we had in our gang and even if we just happen call on each other's birthday, we tend to share this amazing bond that we know anything, anytime we are there for each other.........

Neetu, my friend, my elder sister, the one liner queen and incredible person in my life......She is a person whom I think my life is incomplete without....... She has this incredible positivity to her and she makes everyone happy around her. She does not hurt anyone on purpose and keeps mum in her biggest tension time....... I and Neetu, in later years of my stay in Pune, were inseperable.We would eat patties from jawadekar, eat pani puri or 5 rupee kurkure, drive in rain and sing songs loudly on road while driving, sit on some or other bridge behind my palti (two wheeler) and pass comments and check out cute guys, when we were bored we would just make different laughing noises and laugh on the way noises were made...... Anyone who saw us alone would ask where is my or her better half, in absence of other person.She is such a lovely person to be with and I forget all my tensions with her....She is a person who knows me so well that she can make out what am I thinking at that moment or what I feel about something.We speak same words same time and think alike that few friends would actually think we are doing it on purpose....... Whether purposely or mere destiny, I found my soul mate in Neetu.........

Shilpa (I love calling her shilps, goes with her overall cool personality) is my college friend right from 11th to our graduation..... Though not great friends in initial 2 years, we lived our lives together literally from morning to evening for next 3 years..We would go to college, bunk lectures, go to the very next IMDR canteen, eat misal daily even if we werent hungry and share 12 rupees per plate kharcha,which later became 15 rupees, go to CA tuitions together, I would distract her and make her bunk tuitions and we would have dabeli on tilak road or just hang out,....... I think I picked up my hobby to collect new handbags and new footwears style from Shilps...... She has a lovely fashionista inside her but  she splurges out when shopping. She introduced me to Fashion street in Pune, she introduced me to whole new angle on fashion...She likes collecting all good things may it be ear tops, handbags, clothes, footwear...... Shilps is a very free natured, nothing hideous in mind person..... She is honest and does not speak one and think another....... She is one friend I visit time to time here in Bangalore,since her work got her transferred to this city, just when my marriage was to happen........

Any news from these people excites me like Shraddhu's marriage which I went and attended in Mumbai, Teju's grades and achievements in her Masters, Shilpa's Oriflame membership to market the products in her free time....But today, I just thank god every day to tell him that even if I am no friends with whole city, I am thankful to have such 4 incredible friends, who make me smile, burst in laughter, shed a tear for when in pain and more importantly, just being there for me......... For us, Distance does not matter, feelings does, may it be overseas, different city or just 5 kms apart........

From left to right: Teja, Neeta, Me, Shraddha, Shilpa....... In my marriage.....

This one is dedicated to my best friends whom I will always remember till my last breath and beyond................

Love,

Preeti............