Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Marriage: a new journey or roadblock for girls

I often come across girls mentioning that they are afraid to be married or hate to be married since it demands a lot from them post marriage.. My Aiah Thata (maternal grandpa) would always scold me when I would do any sloppy work saying, " Tomorrow when you get married, your mother in law will hit you nicely if you don't obey her..." and my reply would be "I will tell my mother in law, Bring it on!" for I had all the guts to stand for my rights...


Time flew so quickly from that conversation & today, after 2 years and 5 months of my marriage, I often keep thinking on this topic... I have found a wonderful friend and life partner in Anup. Often people confuse that we are bachelors and are in live in relationship... I am even more lucky to have found a very easy natured mother in law and caring father in law.... May be this is the reason, I actually negate to why girls should feel like that..... Somewhere I read (I don't remember exactly) that girls sacrifice a lot in marriage.I fail to understand how do girls sacrifice in marriage? Leaving parents house & going to husband's house is a tradition which has been followed from ages, which is also a known fact to every single girl right from childhood..


A husband welcomes a new member in family.. It is the biggest challenge for him. He has to shift his loyalties & priorities towards his wife a little more, to make her comfortable. He has to go out and work so that he can fulfill all the wishes in the family. He cannot leave his job and sit at home saying, "I don't want to go to work. I want to sit at home." We girls at least have that option. He has to help his wife with household works like paying bills,picking groceries,etc . He has to manage his household expenses in same efficient way with additional one member added to his family. A "no" for anything will not be well received by wife, so he has to make YES as his favorite word. Even if the curry prepared is very bad, he eats and says,"Wow sweetie! its awesome...tumhare haaton mein jaadu hain." and even after saying this, he still has answering to do for a questionnaire of "is it too salty?, is it too spicy, is it too bland, you are lying aren't you? shall I prepare it next time again? why are you having so little?". There is a constant expectation to express their love for her. He has to fine tune his majority of habits according to his wife's likings to keep her happy. 


I don't say girls do not put in efforts in marriage. But we show and keep telling it out loud, every now and then.Yes we put equal efforts but also do give up when those efforts are not fruitful. Expectations are high on both, husband and wife, equally. On girls, its expectation to run household efficiently and also get along with new family members. On boys, its responsibility and duties towards his wife and family. Girls forget that now a days, they also have an opinion and a voice. If they are not happy about anything, they should not straight enter the ring with gloves like Mike Tyson, but should be able to wisely put across things and find a solution. 


Both, husband and wife have very important roles to play in marriage but just that the parameters are different. Its just great that husbands don't count and show how much sacrifices they have to undergo. for example: If wives are asked for money for some emergency, they will end up feeling "see he cant tolerate that I have surplus money with me." But have they ever wondered, how difficult it would be for him to part from his hard earned money to fulfill their wishes every time?


Problems are part and parcel of married life. Few problems are easily forgettable and correctable, few leave a mark on heart and mind for ever. I feel before we expecting anything out from our husband, we should think if we are fulfilling his expectations? Don't answer this question yourself. Ask him how he feels about you being a part of his life and what bothers or worries him the most about you? Communication is key to resolving biggest problems between couple. Initial settlement & adjustments problems post marriage are bound to be there, but how early they can overcome this hurdle is left to both of them. Why not see your in laws in same love filled eyes like you see your parents. I know no one can ever replace their position in life, but you its unfair not to give that chance to your in laws as well.... You are comparing 24-25 years of your parents love to few months of your in laws acquaintance and end up making your biases. Rituals, practices ought to differ from house to house, but its also a great opportunity to learn something new and also put in your thoughts in them and enjoy than comparing. 


I think marriage requires lot of maturity,patience, respect for individuals in the family and also understanding of what it takes to be someone's  wife. At same time, I feel we are new age women who can express herself in best manner possible and working out on issues than complicating them. We should continue leading normal life and enjoy life ,as we would before marriage and not lose one's individuality, but at same time also understand new responsibilities given to you. If yes is answers to all the above questions, congrats! you are ready for wonderful joy ride called MARRIAGE!

2 comments:

  1. Should soothe some nerves for people (girls more so) who are about to get married or even those who might have just gotten married recently. It is also fresh perspective for people who might have been married for some time already. :) ... Again I think, some fod for thought.

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  2. well written preeti! exactly how I feel. keep it up!heres what i had written earlier http://purnimaaprabhu.blogspot.com/2011/04/day-2-twisty-knot-called-marriage.html

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