My Journey in Friendship........

As kids, we had always been moving from one city to another, and there were towns too.... Transfers are hard especially on growing kids. But at that point of time, there seems less or no options. After I was born, I went to Pune, then Mumbai then Beed and finally coming back to Pune.... So its been twice that I lived in Pune and that itself makes the city a special place to be.


We shifted there when I was in class 5th and I stayed there until my graduation. It was the longest stay we had in any given city. My dad had made this decision that we were going to be stationed in Pune and he would travel on weekends to be with us. We did not realize then, how difficult it was for him to stay away from his wife and kids, so that he could give us a better life. We were happy that we could make new friends finally... Long lasting friendships....... 


And that happened too....Me and my brother made great friends who not only were our best buddies but also like extended family.  We played with them, fought with them, came home complaining, gossiping, taking trips, going to hotels, celebrations,etc etc. We belonged more to them than to our relatives back here.Staying away from your native makes you like that. But from the time me and my brother were born, we had never stayed in native..just summer vacation visits.....




Time flew by and I shifted to Bangalore. I left behind my friends who remained in Pune, since they were native. So started the long distance friendships...


But my question is like relationships, does a long distance friendship work well? 


Daily calls to all the friends, thinking they are as much available as I would be... Daily turned to weekly to cut down the call expenses, weekly to fortnightly and then for long time monthly........... 


It was not about money anymore...It was about acceptability fact that no matter how lonely and tired you are at end of the day,how much sad you are that you have not made new friends but also not seeing your old buddies, they are not there at that moment.


Every birthdays, celebrations, friendship days would had to be alone or not at all.. Lack of enthusiasm hovered over. Sending of letters, greeting cards on each occasion stopped. But whose mistake was it anyway? I made a choice to shift to new city for new opportunity in life, and that was the price I had to pay. There came a point where I realized that I had not moved on. I had held my old buddies too close to heart that I did not give any space for new to fit in. I was stuck with memories of my old buddies that I gave none chance to make new impressions. I felt extremely hurt because I had thought that these friends of mine, like me, will not move on. But I realized, they had other friends too. 


But in new city, especially a single girl, has to be careful. I had my shares of bad taste friendships when I was new to the place. Mean and calculative friendships began to show up. Friends, in pretense of friendship, would seek opportunities to take help from me financially. As if I was the only person working or a bank to fund their luxuries. But "No" was a very hard word for me to say, especially in case of new friends, whom I did not want to loose, because I feared, what if I lost their friendship too. So these friends came with their price tags and ulterior motives of month-end financial dependence on me. I put an end to such friendships eventually.


I soon realized friendship no longer meant to be there for each other or was non profit oriented. Memories of laughter,sitting endlessly and talking about each and everyone, was completely back up filed. Those came in forefront only on the days when I would go crazy completely to find a thing to do.





When you are new in city, a new sense of freedom is what you get. But being from traditional background and also moved into a city where all my relatives are stationed, it was little more difficult to treat guys and gal friends alike. A fear of who would think what always hovered in my mind. So I had to take care of those people who never ever came to see me, if I was dead or alive, when I shifted to Bangalore.


It is very difficult to find people with whom you can completely loose yourself. Like you don't have to worry, if what you say, do,wear,eat will have any effect on them. You don't need to fear that would they be sensitive enough to understand me? But such friends who create an impression and have a permanent place in your heart, are a dying breed now.Staying away from friends is difficult  and no one knows better than me, whose half the time revolved around her friends.


No wonder, the emotion, memories and everything about the friend keeps coming back on your face,as a smile...its tragic but true that long distances do brings its share of bad luck with relations and friendships.It brings in the waiting game, unavailability of the moment, not seeing each other regular pain, forgetting to inform something really important,etc etc.


As my mother always says and I quote "Out of sight is out of mind". For long time, I did want to prove her wrong but ultimately she won. I see so many times, my friends not keeping me in loop or forgetting to tell me important details of life like buying a house, buying a car, getting engaged,etc etc. But I never did that to them. And it kept on bothering me, that was I expecting too much from them? If I would have been in front of them, they definitely would have told us.


One of my childhood friend, after her education shifted to Mumbai. She started working there and lost touch of all us. Where she worked, what she did, no one knew. Somehow she made a call to my friend and from her, we got to know happenings of this Mumbai friend. So, big day of my life, my engagement was nearing by. So I called all my friends immediately on the day, when all elders fixed the date. She answered the call and started speaking to me in Hindi. All our lives, we had been making conversations in Marathi and she spoke in Hindi. I realized that she had changed and a lot. How much possibly can one person change in six months time? She had forgotten about us.


I feel sad sometimes, to see one person have so many friends so much so that they can hang out with one person every day and yet they would not be out of friends. But that type of networking was never for me. Acquaintances, Sure!!! true friends, can count on tip of my finger. But that does not mean I am jealous or unhappy about those who have many friends. 

Like love, it is hard to tell when and at what point of life, can you find a true friendship, which you wont forget ever. 


But my doubt is; In today's world, can we find true friendship? Acts of kindness, help when needed are all actions based on basic courtesy and humanity. But does true friendship happen only when these are done? Then are these friendships based on pure emotions/needs or motives hidden behind the masks?




Still today, to all my long distanced friends, I wanted to say my love for them had never reduced.

Youth's take on socializing in traditional set up.....

I know this topic draws lots of different perspectives. To begin with, the common and popular dialog everyone says or quotes is that of "India being cultural nation and everyone is treated with respect".

Coming to just two generations before us, people would often use respectful words, when they wanted to speak or denote something about some person. The same continued with our parents generation. What happened to our generation?

Being brought up away from cluster of relatives, me and my brother would get offended at the unwanted rituals which were alien to. Like when someone elder comes, even if you don't know them, you have to touch their feet. (My dad would literally hold the back of our necks and throw us at their feet in an unescapable manner). And we would get blessings, sometimes cheek pullings, sometimes bear hugs with unbearable pats on the back, etc. I know these were different gestures to show that the other person was happy to see/meet us.

We (as I speak for my brother too here and know he will agree to it) believe that respect, feelings towards each other should be mutual and should come from within us. No one can demand or gain respect by force or made to do so. In our thinking there is no scope of formalities. Our aim always is to eliminate awkwardness in relations by removing unwanted formalities. We vouch each and every word of the phrase "Be simple, Think simple" in our logic of relationships.

Like, for example, today if I know that someone is not a well wisher of my family, I will not be able to have simple, plain good hearted feelings towards that person. I will not think anything bad to happen to that person, but at same time he/she will never gain respect in my eyes for watsoever reason. This is called action-reaction theory. I know for sure that we never are the first person to start a fight and also are the firsts to mend the breaking threads, but what do you do when you know the person in front of you will never change no matter what?

So I came to this simple conclusion of "HOSTILE" relationship, where if you meet that person, exchange your greetings and say your salutations and leave the place. No more discussions, no scope of any unwanted incidences. Win-win situation for both.

This actually echoes voices of many of my friends who are right now the Gen X people. I somehow feel, that we are the most balanced righteously thinking, balanced, logical thinkers of the times. Our earlier generations were like these Godly figures who would try endlessly to spread goodness and eventually give up and crib. The next generation are of an attitude "An eye for an eye" which is not correct for social and peaceful living.

Also, say when new memebers get added to the family, like daughter in law, son in law,etc. following the tradition, even today , the girls parents treat the son in law with respect and fear, thinking if he gets upset he will not look after their daughter properly. But for one moment, if you stop and think, even your son in law or daughter in law also wants to be treated in simple, plain, manner as you would treat your own children. No special treatments required. I agree in city life, and with educated class of people, this is a changing scenario .But question is why do formalities when you have trusted your child's future with that person?

Like, in festivals, traditional family get togethers, or family functions happen, the host has to invite everyone. Now the logic here is to pass the information of the event over the phone and if you inform one person, it serves the purpose of the call. But then why one has to also talk to the lady of the house, child of the house and individually invite? If you are referring them as a family, then informing one person should work out,right? Why should individual ego be taken care of at the hosts end?

Take example of my parent's new house warming function. Here, we were the hosts. Now when people sit to eat, in south indian tradition, hosts eats in the last batch of food serving. Also host has to go on telling everyone to have their meal whole heartedly and to their tummy's full. Now, my dad went one round, then my mom. Me and my brother were entertaining the other non occupied guests, when my parents turned towards us and asked us to make rounds. My brother was at loss of words but because I was married and had to show and behave responsible in front of the crowd, I volunteered, releiving my brother from his duties. I dont mind going around and meeting people, but then was it absolutely necessary? As if people who are having lunch wont have food properly. Traditions!

My dad has special charm which works in his favour always. He is a very good fun to be around and always is surrounded by beloved because he narrates incidences, cracks jokes and knows exactly who wants to hear what. If you leave him in some function, go away for sometime and come back to find him, you can easily find him in the place, where chairs have broken their traditional straight line formations and encircled around my dad's chair. He gets really worked up and has child like enthusiasm, also not to forget about my mom, when they go to functions which they are looking forward to. Me and my brother rarely do rounds of such functions, because we end up being like amused dolls, which they lovingly display.

They would meet distant, farthest relatives who we would not even heard of and ask us "Do you know who they are?" and mind you, one hand would be readily at back of our neck and the other hand's one finger, would be pointing towards the intended person. This is the regular scene either me or my brother gets caught up into. Also the introduction to dad's side of relatives always start up with "Ghare manne Ashwatha" or "Balepette Nagraja" and after whose who session, I ask my brother "Come again, who is Ashwatha of the ghare manne?"

On personal note, keeping tradions alive, respecting every individuals,etc is a good attitude. But to overdo it and spice it up with unwanted formalities easily becomes a turn off for young Generation. Also, this is one of the biggest reasons why the next generations, slowly has started reducing the appearances they make in any social events. Not that we don't appreciate the yummy food and nice decorations, but  if the all of above gets repeated again and again, how long could you take it?