Where is my fighting spirit?

                                When I was a kid, I was disciplined a lot by my mother. She told me, and still tells me what is right,wrong, good, bad, black and white. But the little devil I was, never wanted to be told. I wanted to experience whatever was lectured to me, so that it got engraved on my memory. Its may be because I am a daddy's girl and my dad is a fighter, who stands for what he believes in, come what may. We both go out of our comfort zone in quest of new experiences and may be this has been one great influential factor of my character, to go beyond what I am expected to.

                                 In the growing up years of my life, I looked out for perfection, in my mannerisms, emotions, thinking, rationality, friendships. There were so many times, I wanted to give up my idealistic behavior and make way for a normal person in me. But I was not destined to be normal, I guess. It was good in a way, because I realized that I could do something which others wont do and that has been my defining phrase about myself, "What others do, I don't like to do that. I like to differ."

                                But as I came to an age of maturity and facing the realities out in the world, I lost myself to it. I was no longer a perfectionist. I wanted to fit in and get into comfort zone and try a normal life. I went against my instincts and tried which was ,easily available. I did not like it frankly, because I lost myself trying hard. The last time I recall, I had pushed my inner limits was somewhere six years back, trying to pass an exam, on whose results, I had to make some life altering decisions of my life.

                               I lost my motivation thereafter and also my fighting spirit. Everything came easily but no experience tasted as enriching as the struggled ones had been. I felt hopeless so much that I could not tighten my fist in determination. Every single time I decided on something, I lost it very soon thereafter, sometimes even before attempting to it. I had become an ordinary person and have been furious with myself from then.



                                   


                             But after what seems forever now, I have faced my worst fear. The fear of not being able to do what I have been destined for. I realized destiny wont knock my door, unless I take steps towards it. I may not have answers still, for many questions, but I have my determination back. The only difference between previous ones and the current one, is I know how I have to hold on to it. It is something which I have found after wiping the dust off the frame, inside me.

                          What did I find? Its my mental image of who I want to be as a person. So what if there are hurdles in way? I won't shy away from it. I will face and fight it. I no longer, will be shy from who I am. Its my determination to stand up for what I believe in and if anything stands in my way, there better be some preparation from the opposition side. Its because I am not going to give up easily on anything, its not in my nature.

                         It has been a very painstaking journey to come to this stage where not only can I hold my fist together, but also clench my jaw in determination. I wont exist if I don't believe in myself. Now there is my fighting spirit...


                                  

Independance

Today is India’s 66th Independence day celebrations. I would like to wish all my friends, family, fellow Indians a very "Happy Independence Day".



What is the general thing which we all do on this day? Everyone has their own ways to celebrate this day. Some like to download colorful flags and famous quotes and circulate amongst their peers, families and friends; some get up early and watch the flag hoisting on TV;kids are sent to school to attend the compulsory flag hoisting ceremony. I remember in my school, there were some plays or excerpts from the freedom movement which students would perform, like the Jallianwala Bagh massacre, etc etc.


But I can’t just help but wonder are we really thankful for this day? What are we really thankful for? Or is it just another day off where you can spend time with your family.

I am thankful that in-spite of being such a huge nation, we have great family value system, respect for elders, high tolerance levels, freedom to speak,think and express; where all religions feel they are safe in this country;huge achievements in fields of science, technology, business; standing tall and proud in the world economy. Everyone is talking about India.

This day we were free from the outsiders-British Raj. Today take few moments to think are we really free? British left the country but there are so many things which we as Indians have shackled ourselves yet, even after 65 years.

Are we true Indians? Or are we just south Indians, north Indians? For people in south everything above them is north and for people in north, everything below them is south. What happened to West and East directions? Have we freed our minds from this bias?


Are we free from the thought that girls and boys have equal right to education in the country? Are we open to the thought that boys or girls both are same & equal?


Are we free from the biases we make on day to day basis based on a place, person, personality, caste, traditions, and cultures? Are we free from the thought where we think my culture is better than others?

Are we free from the thought that we should not intentionally or unintentionally hurt each other’s sentiments based on their disabilities or different abilities?


Monday morning mass prayer in schools maintains us to repeat in chorus the Pledge. According to our pledge, we say All Indians are my brothers and sisters. Do we actually do that? Only hypocrites would say yes… If yes, then how does one justify the every single day horrific incidences any girl has to go through in terms of eve teasing, rape, torture, dowry demands, kidnapping, etc.


Are we free from the quota system prevailing in our country? Biases-decisions-quotas systems based on religions have created a big divide in the whole social and academic system. Equal rights and equal opportunities have seemed to diminish. 

Is India free from the stressful experiences which young adults have to go through in terms of expectations to excel and perform in each and every field like academics, sports, linguistics, etc?

Why are institutions been created which support their own caste, sub caste, religion? Why are they allowed to just uplift the needy of only their caste? When God is screaming out loud and saying I am the eternal truth and I am One!!!!!!!!!!! Why do we not believe him? Why can’t there be a community based institutions which helps all and identify various causes than castes to support that group.

Are we broad minded/open minded to see every single person as fellow country man and rush to their help when they meet with accident, mishaps or are in desperate need?



We hear epic speeches from our previous prime ministers or chief guests at our school and college, but do we actually sit and think how I can continue or contribute to free my India from these shackles?
Honorable freedom fighters gave their lives so that we can live happily as on after freedom, but we are just merely insulting their sacrifices  by doing all the above. They wished for a united India wherein no outsider could ever again take control of our motherland. But little did they know that the social evils and great divide has shackled India again and it will take a herculean effort to see this dream being achieved.

Google Doodle for Indian Independance

So Who can do this? Who can bring a change/make difference about these? You and Me........ As the saying goes "Har acche kaam ki cheez, ghar se shuru hoti hain" (All good things begins from our home first). 

Inculcate the behavior of indifference and humanity. On small or daily basis try to do something in some way which will help others to think like you. Teach children not to make biases, to be friendly with everyone. Educate them and encourage them to appreciate the vast culture of India.

Try to volunteer in any nearest social events/cause which you stand for. Open your mindsets and accept everyone in-spite of where they come from. Do not encourage discussions which show one culture as more better than others. All cultures are great, evolved over time and is Indian pride.

Next time, if you see someone has met with accident, do not hesitate to help them or provide with first aid. 


Do not enter into bad evil-practices of dowry, female foeticide where a girl child is involved. Remember today you are doing it, tomorrow someone else may do it to you. Your mother,daughter,sisters are important part of your family. Without a women, you do not have an existence in the world. Where you offer prayers to various goddess and call her mother; remember to honor and respect all women in the same way.


I support the bills (Manipuri bill) and the shows (Satyameva Jayate) which put focus on country's internal issues. These are evils within our country which is in way of much more greater achievements which India can see, but is not being able to do so.

I am proud to be INDIAN. For me Goodness and humanity is the only religion I can follow.

Prosperity is waiting, what can you do for it?

Who are you?

Walking the thin line between Being Opinionated and Being Judgemental

For past two days, I have been sort of querying with my fellow colleagues on this topic. It is fun to know that we have so much different opinions about the same topic...But what struck me the most in this case, though they may be categorized differently, all the three's thought process were alike on this topic. Co-incidence? Probably because I spoke to only three of them, but I had fun as their expression and ability to project it forward was amazing.

Human thinking and various personalities traits always intrigue me to know more. So I chose carefully three different people who come from different backgrounds but all three are my fellow colleagues. Also with this discussion I got to know a bit more about the individual.

So I started with first basic question: What do you mean by being opinionated and being judgmental? Is it same or different?

The answer for second question was crystal clear, that they are two different aspects. For all three, it is that opinions are an immediate or spontaneous thought which comes to the mind, when they encounter or come across something/someone/some place. It is on a general level. For one person it was like Opinion means to express/state our feelings in a given circumstance.
              Whereas being judgmental is different. To judge means having spent a more longer period of time for a permanent type of opinion. It requires more thought process, longer span of time to have a judgement/conclusion on a characteristics, morale, attribute of certain person. For one colleague, being judgmental is more specific to any behavioral or characteristic attributes. 

My next question was: In our fast paced life and lack of time for rational thinking, are these two terms used interchangeably? Do we always know if we are being opinionated or being judgmental? Do we always recognize the difference?

Again the answer was unanimous. We do use it interchangeably. there is not even a single second where our mind is calm, quite or not thinking. We form opinions each and every second in our minds. Say for example, we see a person for first time, we have certain thought about him at-least for a split second, though it can be wrong, or we choose not to settle that in our minds. Our mind always keeps on thinking and our thinking are ultimately driven by our opinions on it. 

A person in normal state of mind, may not always be able to identify the difference between judgement or opinion.

Immediately I had this question: So can a person be both at same time or are they mutually exclusive that if one is there another cannot be there?

Surprised to hear, that we are both opinionated and judgemental. but we choose to act upon it as situation comes. We may not use both together always but we are born that way. But it is up-to an individual to be an highly opinionated person or a judgmental person. As humans, we always have opinions but we can always stop from being judgmental.







So I asked: Is it wrong to be opinionated or to be judgmental? And in person, what are they- highly opinionated or highly judgmental?

For first time, I saw a difference. The difference was one admitted to be judgemental, which meant that he gave space and understood a person well before he can form a lasting opinion; second said she is opinionated.She thinks that she is no-one to form a judgement about anyone. It is wrong to do so. last person said, that due to his meditation and spiritual rigor he has trained his mind, not to be either. He also said that in true sense, we cannot judge or have any opinion correctly, most of the times we may go wrong.

Also I read somewhere that having less or no opinions is quite frustrating for others who are in their company. For example; one goes to a restaurant and everyone has ordered around the table, and the person who has no opinion is still thinking of what to do. It irritates others who are in the company. They function in same way in their personal lives as well where they cannot stand up for anything. 

I quoted an example to understand the difference even better: For example: I see a person for first time and immediately I have certain thought in my mind. Is that our opinion or judgement call? On what basis do we have that immediate thought about someone,even if we don't know about them?

Here I got mixed ideas, where all the three said that it is our opinion which firstly comes to our mind. Kind of immediate reaction. But their explanations differed. In two gentlemen case, they said our opinions are based on our previous experience and learning. Over a period of time,we would have cultivated a sense of understanding to form an opinion.
For the lady, she said that if we have thoughts about a person who is not known to us, that is because our own aura and their aura is matching at that point of time. We do not form opinions on each and everything we see through our eyes. Something clicks and we have a thought in our mind about the person. Without even knowing, there are vibes which human mind releases, which pulls certain attention. There is a cosmic connection to what we feel at that very instance.

So I checked if these two words help mould up our individual characters?Are they in anyway an influencing or contributing factor to shape our characters?

Again,everyone agreed to it. It definitely shapes up our character and makes us what we are. It is up-to a person on how much he uses his judgement or opinions to handle or tackle a situation.But definitely because our learning,emotion, gut feelings are all contributing factors to shape our character.

After our dinner break,my discussion continued.............

I questioned: Say we feel strongly about something and we know nothing can shake our opinion/judgement about it; is it wrong to stick to it.Even if some other person think it is rude, hurtful or term it as adamant?

Here I had varied answers. One answered that it is not being judgmental or sticking to a opinion which needs to be done..it is right when we are flexible n open to thoughts;in life each experience gives us learning; when we are only open. But at times we need to stand for somethings also..all in all there  is no fixed path

Another one answered even if we feel strongly about something, we can always step back from our opinion or judgement... just to have a better learning/experience/understanding... being strongly opinionated or judgmental even if its accurate will not help and that is why there are clashes, but again it depends upon each others weakness, if both have certain weaknesses both are bound to come to certain conclusions and carry on.But if both are not ready to give up then they get separated.

The lady said that when we feel strongly about something, it is generally the right opinion which our mind would have registered. Now knowing that these factors mould our character; if we don't stick to it; we loose our originality. It means we ourselves are not clear on that feeling and hence, we give a vibe where negative or other person's thoughts can seep into us, making us more confused. But it is very difficult to follow what our mind says all the time. In true worldly sense, such people are not appreciated and are always judged by others. But if you want a person to know or understand your true original self, you should stick to your values and strong feelings. If we loose our originality,we loose our self.

When I asked this specific question, all the three thought flow turned into one single direction. Question was: Is there a way or habit which we can cultivate to stop from being judgmental or opinionated?

And everyone's' thought process fine lined to spirituality. they all agreed and said that through meditation, having good thoughts, being in company of wise people, we always stay or pick up good thoughts and habits. this helps us in slowing down our highly strong opinions or judgement calls and gives us a chance to see things clearly from all angle.

Lady suggested simple things for beginners. she said out of 24 hours, we individuals don't even dedicate 5-10 minutes of time for ourselves. we always are on the move, running errands and thinking about others than us. So if someone really wants to help themselves, it is going to be tough initially but not impossible.

Simple things like dedicating your thoughts for minimum 5 minutes on happenings of the day. How you behaved or handled a situation, if there was a better way to do so, etc etc. 

One might be amazed that initially we cannot do that also as we are occupied with so many other thoughts.

Next thing is, to start meditating, initially for 5 minutes. we will be surprised we cannot do that. Our mind works like a factory which emits thoughts every single second. To block your mind and sit idle, is a very herculean task which can be done with practice and rigor.

Once you get up from meditation, you immediately ask answers to those questions which need decisions. the positive energy which would have built up after meditation, helps us seeks answers to all our questions.

My final question to my colleague was: Is it okay to have opinions and suppress it or is it wise to not have it at all?

He answered with this peal of wisdom which he sends us all at beginning of the day. I found my answer reading it and hope you too find your answer in it. It goes like this

WHEN THE EFFECTS ARE DEVELOPED

THE SEED ALSO IS OBSERVED TO BE SUCH

AND WHEN THE EFFECTS ARE DESTROYED

THE SEED ALSO IS SEEN TO BE DESTROYED

THEREFORE ONE MUST SUBDUE THE EFFECTS

My Journey in Friendship........

As kids, we had always been moving from one city to another, and there were towns too.... Transfers are hard especially on growing kids. But at that point of time, there seems less or no options. After I was born, I went to Pune, then Mumbai then Beed and finally coming back to Pune.... So its been twice that I lived in Pune and that itself makes the city a special place to be.


We shifted there when I was in class 5th and I stayed there until my graduation. It was the longest stay we had in any given city. My dad had made this decision that we were going to be stationed in Pune and he would travel on weekends to be with us. We did not realize then, how difficult it was for him to stay away from his wife and kids, so that he could give us a better life. We were happy that we could make new friends finally... Long lasting friendships....... 


And that happened too....Me and my brother made great friends who not only were our best buddies but also like extended family.  We played with them, fought with them, came home complaining, gossiping, taking trips, going to hotels, celebrations,etc etc. We belonged more to them than to our relatives back here.Staying away from your native makes you like that. But from the time me and my brother were born, we had never stayed in native..just summer vacation visits.....




Time flew by and I shifted to Bangalore. I left behind my friends who remained in Pune, since they were native. So started the long distance friendships...


But my question is like relationships, does a long distance friendship work well? 


Daily calls to all the friends, thinking they are as much available as I would be... Daily turned to weekly to cut down the call expenses, weekly to fortnightly and then for long time monthly........... 


It was not about money anymore...It was about acceptability fact that no matter how lonely and tired you are at end of the day,how much sad you are that you have not made new friends but also not seeing your old buddies, they are not there at that moment.


Every birthdays, celebrations, friendship days would had to be alone or not at all.. Lack of enthusiasm hovered over. Sending of letters, greeting cards on each occasion stopped. But whose mistake was it anyway? I made a choice to shift to new city for new opportunity in life, and that was the price I had to pay. There came a point where I realized that I had not moved on. I had held my old buddies too close to heart that I did not give any space for new to fit in. I was stuck with memories of my old buddies that I gave none chance to make new impressions. I felt extremely hurt because I had thought that these friends of mine, like me, will not move on. But I realized, they had other friends too. 


But in new city, especially a single girl, has to be careful. I had my shares of bad taste friendships when I was new to the place. Mean and calculative friendships began to show up. Friends, in pretense of friendship, would seek opportunities to take help from me financially. As if I was the only person working or a bank to fund their luxuries. But "No" was a very hard word for me to say, especially in case of new friends, whom I did not want to loose, because I feared, what if I lost their friendship too. So these friends came with their price tags and ulterior motives of month-end financial dependence on me. I put an end to such friendships eventually.


I soon realized friendship no longer meant to be there for each other or was non profit oriented. Memories of laughter,sitting endlessly and talking about each and everyone, was completely back up filed. Those came in forefront only on the days when I would go crazy completely to find a thing to do.





When you are new in city, a new sense of freedom is what you get. But being from traditional background and also moved into a city where all my relatives are stationed, it was little more difficult to treat guys and gal friends alike. A fear of who would think what always hovered in my mind. So I had to take care of those people who never ever came to see me, if I was dead or alive, when I shifted to Bangalore.


It is very difficult to find people with whom you can completely loose yourself. Like you don't have to worry, if what you say, do,wear,eat will have any effect on them. You don't need to fear that would they be sensitive enough to understand me? But such friends who create an impression and have a permanent place in your heart, are a dying breed now.Staying away from friends is difficult  and no one knows better than me, whose half the time revolved around her friends.


No wonder, the emotion, memories and everything about the friend keeps coming back on your face,as a smile...its tragic but true that long distances do brings its share of bad luck with relations and friendships.It brings in the waiting game, unavailability of the moment, not seeing each other regular pain, forgetting to inform something really important,etc etc.


As my mother always says and I quote "Out of sight is out of mind". For long time, I did want to prove her wrong but ultimately she won. I see so many times, my friends not keeping me in loop or forgetting to tell me important details of life like buying a house, buying a car, getting engaged,etc etc. But I never did that to them. And it kept on bothering me, that was I expecting too much from them? If I would have been in front of them, they definitely would have told us.


One of my childhood friend, after her education shifted to Mumbai. She started working there and lost touch of all us. Where she worked, what she did, no one knew. Somehow she made a call to my friend and from her, we got to know happenings of this Mumbai friend. So, big day of my life, my engagement was nearing by. So I called all my friends immediately on the day, when all elders fixed the date. She answered the call and started speaking to me in Hindi. All our lives, we had been making conversations in Marathi and she spoke in Hindi. I realized that she had changed and a lot. How much possibly can one person change in six months time? She had forgotten about us.


I feel sad sometimes, to see one person have so many friends so much so that they can hang out with one person every day and yet they would not be out of friends. But that type of networking was never for me. Acquaintances, Sure!!! true friends, can count on tip of my finger. But that does not mean I am jealous or unhappy about those who have many friends. 

Like love, it is hard to tell when and at what point of life, can you find a true friendship, which you wont forget ever. 


But my doubt is; In today's world, can we find true friendship? Acts of kindness, help when needed are all actions based on basic courtesy and humanity. But does true friendship happen only when these are done? Then are these friendships based on pure emotions/needs or motives hidden behind the masks?




Still today, to all my long distanced friends, I wanted to say my love for them had never reduced.

To say or not to say

We come across so many situations in day to day life, where we give our opinions or think about possible solutions.  They may not necessary be related to problems but a regular opinion. Now having an opinion based on some facts and findings, is always the best method to form one. But what about the situations where, we have to say what we want to say, whether other person likes it or not.

This dilemma is a regular at almost all workplaces. As an individual, we all have different ideologies and opinions. These opinions and ideologies are purely cultivated by one’s own learning's and experiences, background, upbringing. But when we start working, a lot changes. Our deep rooted ideologies seem to lose its sanity in front of the cruelness and wickedness of the workplace. I don’t blame the work for being wicked or cruel, but the person who is handling it, makes it so…

So our dilemma, to say or not to say? Say for a basic example: One of my ex-colleague is a pure vegetarian. She does not eat eggs at all, not even in cakes. Here comes the problem. We had a birthday committee in our company and we would pay some bucks for birthday parties. Now everyone except her was okay with having a normal cake. Her problem was that, she would also make this contribution but would never be able to enjoy the cake. So should she say it or not?

                                              

Another example, when another friend of mine was shadowing her colleague, in his absence. She was doing his back up work and there were three different people walking up to her and checking on her, if she completed the backup work. Her problem was that the people who were checking on her were the seniors in the team, but she was also equally experienced and fully aware of her duties as a backup. Her colleague did not report to either of them and the seniors were bossing around to show their supremacy. In order to avoid any conflicts, she kept quite but was in conflict with herself for not speaking out her mind. Her dilemma was to say or not to say about the annoyance she was undergoing?

We all see and hear things and our mind keeps on constantly gathering different ideas and stores it within itself. When a similar situation arises, our brain automatically identifies the issue and attaches the solution to the problem. So this is how we have our opinions for any matters. Now, when we have idea about something, tried and tested, and person in front is doing the opposite of what is supposed to be, what do you do? Do you say it or not?

Example: My acquaintance wanted to go on a trip to Tirupathi, from Bangalore. She asked if traveling to Tirupathi in a hired vehicle from Bangalore is better than bus travel. Is it cheaper? No doubt, hired vehicle thing is comfortable and better option, I advised her (mind you upon her asking) to either go in a package tour or travel in bus and then move around in local cabs once she went there. This would have saved her money and lots of them. This was logical and economical. Instead she felt angry because I discouraged her from comfortable traveling. So in this case, when you were asked to give an advice and it backfires at you, I wondered if I should have said it or not? Should I have guessed that she wanted some encouragement for hired vehicle-comfortable  travel and then nodded in her decision. No wonder that would have made her happy, but what about the internal conflict within yourself? Between what you believed and what you said?

                                         

One of my own examples……. I took part in the annual day function, where I was selected in dance performances. Now whoever knows me well, would know that I like to dance and that I am not in great shape to do so. But I enjoy it thoroughly. So we are at the dinner table and this team member, who does not know me well, under the pretext of being straight forward and clown funny, asks me about the preparation for the annual day and its details. He makes a personal comment on me saying “Aren’t you too fat to dance on the stage?”  Did the comment hurt? Definitely Yes. Did I lose control? Hell No…So what did I reply? With a smile as wide as possible, I said “Why don’t you try your luck and get selected for dancing?”  There, he got his answer that dancing is not about size but about talent and also got to understand that personal comments and loose talks with Preeti Chandrashekar Vaidya, a big NO-NO!

With every situation in the above cases, comes a possibility of conflict. Conflicts are often unpleasant and results into bad experiences. But is it always necessary to have a conflict with bad taste? Why is conflict management a big issue? 

The problem with Indian people’s nature is that they get easily offended and do not like to hear a “NO”.  People get touchy and personal when they hear the truth or have a straight forward answer given.  They like to joke at cost of others but not at themselves. This is one of the biggest reasons why honesty is a myth in the workplace culture. People are not honest to their work, their colleagues and most importantly to themselves. Had they been honest to atleast themselves, they would have realized their actual capabilities and perform on it. Instead, people resort to wickedness and cunningness.

                                                                                     

In order to reach to the top, people choke their ideologies in first or second year of work. Honest people who are true to work and themselves are most feared and hence, least appreciated. The success at workplace is inversely proportionate to the honesty you have while doing your work.

So, is it wrong to have opinions? Is it wrong to be honest? Is it wrong to say something you believe in? I say No. The words you chose should not be rude. They should neither be too feeble that it does not impact one’s thinking. 

What is your answer? To say or not to say?

Is the new generation girl still girlish?

I loved the old ways when boys would treat girls as girls (not to be mistaken in wrong way). They would be ready to tolerate the girly things they would do like coming late, talking less, being shy, etc. Songs would be written in honor of the nakhras girls would do. A girl would be endowed with such qualities just to test the mark of a man. Like in old movies, where if girl would say she is tired of walking in high heels she wore, he would stop of horse carriage and drop her or roam around. Its definitely one of the way to know, how a man treats his girl. But boys think that she is being pricey and otherwise. But yet, they would do it for fun or lovingly do it to win the girl. Girls would wear makeup, pretty dresses, cover themselves with perfume, etc etc for fun of it.

    

        

I guess this all started from my generation. In order  to lessen the distinction of having boys and girls both as friends, girls  became more open. Open in the sense, let go of our girlishness and embraced a hint of boyishness. While this started working out for us, we started doing it more often, like treating boys also as regular buddies like girls and talking to them about anything and everything. We started entertaining talks like how they feel about girls and try not to be judgmental in front of them.

In the whole process of proving that girls can be good buddies with boys (no wonder we can), somewhere down the line, and we lost our girlishness. The old habits never die, like putting on makeup, shopping, window shopping, etc but yet to be in forefront of not being tagged as bimbo or artificial, we reduced these habits. And trust this is very abnormal. Its like you quitting your basic  essence of being a girl. We wanted to show that we also can handle practical jokes which goes within the boys circle or to be able to prove that we are at par with the boys.

Genx  girls now is too forward from these silly topics. Gone are those days when parents would ask not to make any boys their friends in school or colleges. Gen x now is not even threatened to flaunt their hugs, smoking or drinking group on social networking sites. I bet girls have more boys as friends than girls themselves. 

 
With growing competition to excel at work, girls have to become more boy like to get their way to the top. I know many of my friends who are working professionals, excellent at their work yet not being able to grow to higher levels. It is ,as one of my friend and ex-colleague said that “All major decisions are taken place  at smoking corner or social do after work”. I personally agree to that.

After the end of a busy day at work, we have to take up role of a doting wife, a mother, daughter to husband, kids, parents and in laws. Somewhere in this juggling act, we lose our girlishness.  But what is wrong in being girlish? What is wrong or harm in choosing pink dress over power business suits or put some make up at work or outside than worrying what others will say. What is wrong in watching a romantic film than showing off that she enjoys sci-fi or war movies. 

I don’t know who was responsible for this but I beg all girls to start behaving and realizing that they are powerful women and need not prove that to anyone. There is no fight to prove that either men or a woman is superior to each other. I know one girl who could even rock the Washington DC wearing pink dresses amidst the black high profile suits. If you need some inspiration on how to excel at work and yet keep yourself in the girlish best, watch Legally Blonde part 2, in the way I intend to mean it.
 


Hope the old charms of being a woman comes back..................

Courtesy or Formality

How do you judge if a gesture is courtesy or formality?

As an Indian, we are very bound to the rituals and traditions we follow. Our tradition teaches us to be courteous to our guests, family and friends. But when does this courtesy turns into a formality?

When someone arrives from outside, we offer them a glass of water to drink first. That is the first gesture of courtesy. We offer them hot or cold drinks followed by snack, lunch or dinner appropriate to the time they have arrived.  But now a day this tradition is vanishing quickly among the city dwellers.  We do it with more fanfare when we expect someone special or looking forward for some guest.  But when we do the same thing repeatedly for a person, it becomes a mere formality.

When we get a call from our relative or a friend after a long time, we end up asking and telling about well being of the people we know. It is called courtesy. But if  they keep on repeatedly asking about same things on repeated basis, it is called formality.

A common conclusion what I derive is that, when something is very exclusive or exquisite, we enjoy the courtesy. But if it keeps on getting repeated, I think it reduces to a mere formality.

Like I have an uncle of mine who is a perfect example of my conclusion. When someone meets him at first they are very happy at the courtesy he extends towards them. The more frequently they interact with him; they get to know it’s a formality which he has embraced.

Another fine example of this would be at workplaces. A newly joined employee is excited in his initial days at his new office. He greets everyone enthusiastically as soon as he arrives, wishes them “happy weekends” when the weekend approaches and so on. But as the time progresses and he gets to understand his work, surroundings and politics involved, his greetings become mere formalities or in most of the cases, vanishes.

So how can a courtesy remain a courtesy and a formality remain formality? It is when you try and understand where you need to use what and why we need to make those gestures.Say for example, in a business crisis client conference call, we can make use of the two at same time. When you start the meeting, there are customary greetings exchanged, introducing the participants of the meeting. This is formality. As the issues get discussed a resolution is made on how to tackle the issue, an important statement can settle many tensed nerves, when you say with a little voice modulation, that “We are there to help you in all possible ways”. Now that is what I call courtesy. Why do we do it? Because, it enhances relationships and sends out a message of assurance between the people.

How about a less formal scenario? Say a friend of your kid comes home for the first time, you talk to him, tell him ‘feel comfortable’, etc. But if he starts visiting daily for say night studies and you keep on telling him feel comfortable, he knows he can never be comfortable.  A scope needs to be given for anyone to venture out in any given space , for him to get acquainted and used to the atmosphere. But if you keep constantly hammering upon to adjust or feel comfortable, the process cannot be fast forwarded. Every action takes its course of time. There is no magic button which can make such feelings emerge quickly.

If one is a good face reader or judge of the words, they can easily identify the distinction. The face is a mirror of thousand unspoken words. Either they catch it in the face or through the voice modulation or pitch they use. Courtesy is like a salesman going an extra mile to gain the customer satisfaction even before selling the product and formality is like a salesman who just stands next to you and when you ask any questions about the product, his reply would be “all the details are given there itself. Read it yourself.”The presence is there but not impactful.

I also believe it has something to do with how the person has been brought up. If they have seen or been around people, who are either courteous or formal, they pick up the same trait. I see this theory true with my cousins, whose father has a very formal behavior. They have seen him throughout his life like that and hence they eventually ended up picking up the same trait. Now when we meet them in some function, they just exchange customary greetings and a formal imposing smile.

So is it good to be courteous or good to be formal? No one can judge it at this very moment. The situation which we come across is the true test to conclude which one is better. If one wants to be more courteous then formal, they need to change their attitude and perspective of the things which keeps getting repeated. Enjoy it every single time as if it were new.

I leave you with these few quotes on Courtesy:

It is better to have too much courtesy than too little, provided you are not equally courteous to all, for that would be injustice.
Baltasar Gracian

“Nothing is ever lost by courtesy. It is the cheapest of the pleasures costs nothing and conveys much. It pleases him who gives and him who receives, and thus, like mercy, it is twice blessed. Erastus Wiman

A million deaths........

Death, the word surely scares all. The best thing about being human is that even if we know death is inevitable, we want to make the fullest out of earthly life,which we are blessed with.


What does death mean? Most of us relate death to the physical perishing of the body made of skin and flesh. When I was very small, I would also feel scared like most of us, on hearing the D word. Many of the parents do not encourage or ask children to accompany them to a funeral or a mourning place, because the whole scene is very disturbing for a child's mind. But what happens when we grow up? Funny thing is, we all learn the absolute truth of LIFE:DEATH....


But for me, death means a lot different. Death is just not the perishing of our physical body. I feel we live a hundred deaths every single day throughout our life. These deaths are of those dreams,we would have once, dreamt for us. I think our soul is like a white round cheese. We keep on grating it to find the ultimate,unique and the best recipe one could have produced. Similar way,we keep on scrapping our souls for so many dreams which we want to follow. Some may be utter bullshit and some may be truly spectacular. But in the attempt of doing so, we depleted some our cheese, which we will not get back. After grating, cheese becomes uneven in shape with holes in many places and so does our SOUL.


In this fast paced world and the race to reach to the top, we scrap our souls day in day out. Say for example, we step out of the house and we see a beautiful girl wearing a very costly dress. She looks like a million bucks in her outfit and you immediately make up your mind, that you want to do the same. A dream has registered on our SOUL. But after one-two days, we go back to our normal and give up our dream by thinking of possibilities.A dream unaccomplished and it scrapped our SOUL in the process. 


Me and my best friend Shilpa, share same view about trying things. Its like, we do not want to sit at the shores and judge how cold the water is. We never want to regret or ever want to feel bad that we never tried. We do not want our souls getting scrapped a million times and ultimately one day vanish without producing a fine recipe. 


Now the question is what do we do to ensure our SOUL is not depleted without achieving anything? Take that brave step. Do what you feel and you truly want to follow. There is nothing which is impossible in life. There is always a way to get things done or atleast try and move one step closer to that dream. With the fear of failure and that one may become laughing stock in front of others, we often end up giving up our dreams. Take that courage to stand for what you believe in. Your soul is in your hand. There are many influencers in the process but ultimately its your journey.


For example: One would want to have a baby to be able to enjoy parenthood, to be able to see your baby grow but what is the use,when your baby is taking it first steps at home and you are busy working?


One always plans on how he can live happily after retirement. But he does not think, his SOUL has already depleted to the core in order to reach to the retirement age. His many dreams died in the process to find ultimate happiness or say retirement age without even trying for it. No wonder,when someone blesses with a long life, they immediately react and say, this one life is more than enough.


What is ultimate happiness? For me, it is to be able to do what I want to do, without the fear of failure or worry that my attempts would be the talk of the town.  Some dreams may get realized and so may fail disastrously but with every attempt comes an experience and no one can take that away from me. 


The next time you want to dream and not follow them; ask this one question to yourself and am sure, you will always get a positive answer: Is Death the ultimate destination of your life or a point from where you cannot return back?