Tales of the Maha comparisons

Comparisons....... The word itself irritates me........ And have been in company of few who have been constantly on the throt doing it.........

When I was growing up, I would see many of my close relatives compare their children's report cards and extra circulars constantly with others. It would give them a chance to show off, their child's intelligence, in turn their intelligent lineage........... and the lineage just limited to them, not even their parents.............. Thankfully, my parents never did that or never compared our results with others or praise/boast us in front of others.....They wanted others to praise us after they see or know, what our talents were.........

Since we grew up in many places, me and Ashok were always neutral to any matter, issue or situation... Not that we wanted to play safe or something..... Just that we would understand the things from both sides of the coin before considering anything.... I would be the person who would give most number of chances to a person and not making conclusions on his/ her characters at all...... We knew how a person would feel or behave in a situtation which was favoring or not favoring them...

When I came down to Bangalore, same things started happening again......When I joined my first job, it was a small CA firm... My colleagues started constantly comparing my behaviour with the girls who stayed in Bangalore........not that I was outrageous or too much extrovert....I wanted to be friends with them and wanted to hang out with them....as someone new in city does....... And yes, I was not like the traditional girls of Bangalore, who will get back home by 7, but leave home as early as 2.00 am in morning, if they want to earn money in BPO and call centre...... I could not adjust to such double standards and moved on.......

My cousin brother was  then in college...... He also studied commerce like I did and his father would always compare his final results with his cousin brother....... My uncle would not understand the importance of not comparing a commerce guy's report card to a science guy's report card.......... he may be intelligent in one way, but my uncle never realised what special and extra qualities his own son had....... My cousin always stayed under constant fear of his dad, until he decided to take matters in his own hand and start earning.......It gave him much required break and a confidence in him, to atleast face his father's constant bickering............. This is what happens, when one do not realise what their own children have......

Then came my corporate working life and introduction to the new set of people..in fact various kinds of them....few boasting about themselves, few revealing how they are not bothered about any rules which were to be followed in office, few drawing comparison charts with their now and then companies, few bragging about their superiority in corporate....... but one funny part was,we all started at the same levels.....

I was always comfortable, with both set of people, so called "Northies" & the "Southies"....... I never made any distinction between them.but found it really amazing to see that even at corporate level the favoritism does exist.."Northies" move around "Northies" and "Southies" ganged up with "Southies"........and in that also, region wise,north, north east, west groups and the eternal south group........ Since I fitted into both categories, I would hear both side of stories and it was kind of funny to know how thinking changes with region........

Here too, inevitable comparisons would be drawn.... " My village is far more better than Bangalore...we get everything there...... the customs here are strange......" and I would think, but then if your village had everything, why did she come to Bangalore from so far a place, that reaching there itself took 40 hours journey............ With southies, prolonged argument that how Chennai or Vizag is more superior than Bangalore...........

Now a days, I just smile off at the talks these same set of people have to say again and again........  Its just not  comparisons that irritate me, but the fact that people are ready to adjust in foreign much better than they do in their own country........

What satisfaction does people get when they make such comparisons.....I agree the term needs to be used at certain places, like say in comparing sales figures for two months.... but why and what do people get when they make comparisons in personal lives, whether it is in office, a place, a habit, studies or a person's mere personality.........

Every person, place, food, culture, habit, attitude is unique..... why spoil so much abundance in the country by mere comparisons......... why not learn to appreciate its own origin form and enjoy it....... Because the only person who feels miserable after the whole process is one who is complaining as they cannot enjoy the best of what they have for that moment ................. Every one comes with their own destiny or fate ,already written, then why add to someone's pain by these cheap gimmicks........

Physique and psyche........

From time indefinite that the one who is slender or slim has the eternal reason to mock at the not so slender/slim ones........ I had seen this happening to people like me, where ever we went.........Its like we were by birth entitled to being mocked by the few slim chaps.......  But I failed to understand why did this happen? Was just the physical attribute more important in determining what a person can be?

It is saddening to know that as much as 70 percent of the obese population have a inferiority complex in them. This happens or is automatically evoked by others due to constant mockery and pinpointing......... The slim class on other side, dwells with superiority complex....... But I could not relate to this fact at any point of time in my life....... Yes, there are disadvantages of being obese...... you cannot wear what you want...... but it definitely does not mean that obese people are not beautiful by looks or any lesser intelligent.......

Even in cinemas age old and new, there are stereotype characters related to the different physical attributes....... The slim ones always end up as the main leads and the obese ones as the supporting casts.... example Tuntun......These charatcers would always be shown as someone who would torture the main characters or are shown eating food always on screen.....like the boy, in Bombay to Goa..whose dialog in the movie is "Appah! pakoda......". But against the rule, are few people who proved to be more fit and flexible that even slimer ones could be put to shame..... examples are all the leading choreographers of Bollywood........ Even in the famous serial on Sab channel, there is a supporting family, The Hathis....... I mean, its just so not fair to typecast the obese ones like that........

I keep wondering why or who was the person who gave such type of liberty to slim/slender people to mock or have fun at cost of the obese ones...... Even amongst friends, one may call other by nickname like fatty or something else...... If you are one of them, Stop and think what are you doing? Its not nice to make fun of someone who is obese...... they may not be slim/slender but definitely not less respectful than you are...........

Wherever I go, I see friends nicknaming or gesturing the person by hands to show that they are obese......... Have you thought, what if they react on such gestures and call you as ugly or with some other name on your face......... How would you feel when you get the taste of your own medicine......... Obesity is like any other ailment.. I see people being mindful or respectful or more so kind to people who are visually, physically handicapped but the same set of people are disrespectful towards someone who is obese........ Why is this partiality?.... and an appropriate question on your face, "Who do you think you are to mock others?"  Why does one not think that this is all because of the genes and the hereditary.Its not like anyone wantingly asked to be obese or become dark skinned........ 

And then why do people frame the phrases, "Dark,tall and handsome" or "Obesity is mark of wealth" or for that matter, why would you call a pregnant woman beautiful and compliment on her glow, when even she would fall in temporarily obese class, logically speaking.,...

Its all bias that people have created amongst themselves................. True beauty lies within a person and one can only appreciate it, if you have that open mind to embrace whatever others are gifted with........... Only because someone is fair or someone is beautiful, does not mean, he/she is the best........ who knows one may look like million bucks but keep failing in mathematics........... 

Think about it...... Physical attributes are just temporary and can fade away with time.............. But one's true inner self is what remains behind........ Dont let your inner beauty be blinded by the temporary materialistic attributes of living..... The greatest beauty in appreciation of creation of God in all forms on earth........

Emotion and Music.........

I believe every moment has a song attached to it........ I grew up listening to so many songs and I know them so much by heart........... I hear the prelude and I can guess which song is coming up........

Emotions are certainly relaxed by hearing any type of music, may it be instrumental or vocal........ In olden days, classical music was the source of soothing the hyper nerves...but for me, its other way around...since I don't know abc of classical, the music gives me irritation......... like a ghost has got inside me and asking me to go out of the room........... I know many of you would disagree with me, but I always liked Hindi film music more...... and my tastes were very peculiar.......

If someone asked me what genre or what type of music I like to hear....I always replied Bollywood music....but then off lately I started listening o more of western music and I started loving them too.......  The reason why I like very peculiar songs are because I connect them to my memories........

Like for example, when I used to get scoldings from dad on my mischief, I would sing inside my head, "Ayya mere papa ko gussa jab ata hain" from the movie Shool and would not concentrate on the scoldings...... That's why mom would keep saying , "This girl does not improve.."

Next came the national anthem when I was in college, the DCH song....... marking friendship...... and praising the emotions with friendship...... also secretly I hoped I could have such trips to Goa.......... When I shifted to Bangalore and was  new in city, my song was "Kitni Ajeeb Rishtay hai yahan pe......" from Page 3.......... With Anup, my darling husband it was always "My Dil goes hmm hmm hmm........". It was the first movie I saw with him and its kind of dear to me..

I remember when my friend had come down to Bangalore for some work and she had fought with her guy, she would keep on playing "Tu Jahan Main Wahan" from Salaam Namaste..... And these song would just flash  instantly across my mind with any intentions and would fix into my mind for rest of my life............

When I travel from my work place to my home, every night, I hear the song "Dil Dhadkne Do........" from ZNMD........ There is so much inspiration to the song in a way only I can relate to........ for some, the song can be just another song and I am fine with it..........  And its kind of funny when I send some music dedications on Facebook to my friends depending on situation knowing that by listening to them, it would change their minds..... off lately I did that and for my best friend Shilpa...and that was "Aas Paas Hai Khuda" from Anjaana Anjaani.....

With another friend of mine, whose guy stayed far away and she was always worried about him, I would keep thinking, "Lambi Judaai........." and one of my friend is going through same phase and she hears to the song "Teri Meri prem Kahani" from Bodyguard.......

In short everyone has a song to remember at each moment......... Some Happy and some sad.......... It gives that calmness and peace instantly......  I keep thinking, if its the words, lyrics, prelude or that particular music piece of the song which builds up the emotion in you............And there is one favorite song which over takes all other liking......... Its just like the things which you pick up, extra special, which represents you........

Kill The Ravaan today...........

Me and my brother are always asked about where we belong from. Well, thats a tricky one... We were born in Bangalore and then immediately were moved to Maharashtra...we grew up in different cities.......... But one thing I can vouch for is we always liked the spirit of Mumbai and the growing up days in Pune. It will last in our memories forever....

But answering the question is a tough one and I find people often answering on behalf of me........ Many people think I am a North Indian, someone from Delhi or a Punjabi........ once they hear me speak in Hindi........ They often get confused when they hear me speak Marathi or Kannada......... The problem we faced throughout our lives was that of acceptance from people........

When we used to come down to Bangalore for vacations, people would laugh on our Kannada speaking capabilities..... Sure, I agree we do not know how to read and write kannada...but atleast we have kept the language alive within us..... They would treat us as people from North...... and make fun of the state language where we would stay........

Back in pune, we were never accepted as one amongst them and were called South Indian...... for people who kept failing in their geography test constantly, they would ask us this question, "Are you from South?" Yes "Oh Tamil Nadu,is it?" Often pissed at their geography and lack of knowledge, we would correct them and move their compass to Karnataka. No matter how much you correct them, they go back to square one.

So we became, not south indian, not north indian..but Proud INDIAN.

My Dad always taught us to be adaptive to any place and situation.. So we automatically had this unbiased thinking towards different culture and also a respect for all different cultures.

I have come across few typical people, whom I call "The Educated Ignorant"

I hate when people do not admire and respect their own country's diversity... Its like they get some happiness to mock at other person's state culture... I never enteratined such thoughts and always was one who would give an insight of the culture to "The Educated Ignorant" class. I had taken it upon me as my moral duty to ehance these people's knowledge.....

For example, back in college few friends of mine, were from northern part of India and would always speak low about Pune and very high about their respective hometowns........ I would wonder, if that was the case, what was the need for them to leave their great hometowns and come down to Pune? Their sentences would start from, "Huamare yahan to aisa hain, yahan toh aisa hain" wrinkling their noses at the last part.......

When I moved to Bangalore after my graduation, the same things happened but with people here........ For instance, my own relative once said to me mockingly that "you people across the other side of plateau, need fan 24 hours constantly"..... I was like, dude, you stay in 40 degrees and then let me know, if you require fan or not....... Staying in a place, where summer is very extremes, you do require fan..... And thanks to such stamina to bear any type of weather, we would never fall sick unlike the ones who spoke to me in this manner..........

I would sit down and ponder about this topic for hours together. What is the problem with acceptance of our own diversity and cutltural offerings?

For example with matters related to food..... Being a foodie, I understand what goes in what dish and how it is prepared, which region has to offer what fantastic flavours, apart from the famous things.........

Like Mumbai is just not limited to Wada Pav or Pav bhaji........ just stop by Chowpatti and you would get to know, how tasty the chats and the ice creams there are........

Down South, its just not rice,what Karnataka food has to offer....agreed that it is the staple food........ like every region has its own....... Did you know there are more than 38 varietes of rice dish which Karntaka (and not Karnatak) cuisine, has to offer.......apart from ragi mudde, akki roti, jolada rotti, etc etc........

So why make face when you dont get options which you wanted, in a place where you would expect least to find it....... Like for south indians, why do you search curd rice even if you go to Kashmir.......... and north indians,why do you search a very exclusive sweet dish prepared mainly in marriages down south? 

One should learn to enjoy and appreciate, what you get...... If you are not okay, try and adjust....... .................. No culture evolved instantly......... there is a reason and a custom which has been carried through centuries and people hold strong beliefs in them.... Why do you want to hurt by saying something stupid and ignorant words when you do not understand the importance of such custom or tradition.......

My intentions are honestly to help "The Educated Ignorant" understand that Assam is in north east and not in China...................

 So on this Dusshera, kill the Ravaan of Ignorance and non acceptability which has deep rooted within you and feel proud of being a multi-cultural country called INDIA.