To say or not to say

We come across so many situations in day to day life, where we give our opinions or think about possible solutions.  They may not necessary be related to problems but a regular opinion. Now having an opinion based on some facts and findings, is always the best method to form one. But what about the situations where, we have to say what we want to say, whether other person likes it or not.

This dilemma is a regular at almost all workplaces. As an individual, we all have different ideologies and opinions. These opinions and ideologies are purely cultivated by one’s own learning's and experiences, background, upbringing. But when we start working, a lot changes. Our deep rooted ideologies seem to lose its sanity in front of the cruelness and wickedness of the workplace. I don’t blame the work for being wicked or cruel, but the person who is handling it, makes it so…

So our dilemma, to say or not to say? Say for a basic example: One of my ex-colleague is a pure vegetarian. She does not eat eggs at all, not even in cakes. Here comes the problem. We had a birthday committee in our company and we would pay some bucks for birthday parties. Now everyone except her was okay with having a normal cake. Her problem was that, she would also make this contribution but would never be able to enjoy the cake. So should she say it or not?

                                              

Another example, when another friend of mine was shadowing her colleague, in his absence. She was doing his back up work and there were three different people walking up to her and checking on her, if she completed the backup work. Her problem was that the people who were checking on her were the seniors in the team, but she was also equally experienced and fully aware of her duties as a backup. Her colleague did not report to either of them and the seniors were bossing around to show their supremacy. In order to avoid any conflicts, she kept quite but was in conflict with herself for not speaking out her mind. Her dilemma was to say or not to say about the annoyance she was undergoing?

We all see and hear things and our mind keeps on constantly gathering different ideas and stores it within itself. When a similar situation arises, our brain automatically identifies the issue and attaches the solution to the problem. So this is how we have our opinions for any matters. Now, when we have idea about something, tried and tested, and person in front is doing the opposite of what is supposed to be, what do you do? Do you say it or not?

Example: My acquaintance wanted to go on a trip to Tirupathi, from Bangalore. She asked if traveling to Tirupathi in a hired vehicle from Bangalore is better than bus travel. Is it cheaper? No doubt, hired vehicle thing is comfortable and better option, I advised her (mind you upon her asking) to either go in a package tour or travel in bus and then move around in local cabs once she went there. This would have saved her money and lots of them. This was logical and economical. Instead she felt angry because I discouraged her from comfortable traveling. So in this case, when you were asked to give an advice and it backfires at you, I wondered if I should have said it or not? Should I have guessed that she wanted some encouragement for hired vehicle-comfortable  travel and then nodded in her decision. No wonder that would have made her happy, but what about the internal conflict within yourself? Between what you believed and what you said?

                                         

One of my own examples……. I took part in the annual day function, where I was selected in dance performances. Now whoever knows me well, would know that I like to dance and that I am not in great shape to do so. But I enjoy it thoroughly. So we are at the dinner table and this team member, who does not know me well, under the pretext of being straight forward and clown funny, asks me about the preparation for the annual day and its details. He makes a personal comment on me saying “Aren’t you too fat to dance on the stage?”  Did the comment hurt? Definitely Yes. Did I lose control? Hell No…So what did I reply? With a smile as wide as possible, I said “Why don’t you try your luck and get selected for dancing?”  There, he got his answer that dancing is not about size but about talent and also got to understand that personal comments and loose talks with Preeti Chandrashekar Vaidya, a big NO-NO!

With every situation in the above cases, comes a possibility of conflict. Conflicts are often unpleasant and results into bad experiences. But is it always necessary to have a conflict with bad taste? Why is conflict management a big issue? 

The problem with Indian people’s nature is that they get easily offended and do not like to hear a “NO”.  People get touchy and personal when they hear the truth or have a straight forward answer given.  They like to joke at cost of others but not at themselves. This is one of the biggest reasons why honesty is a myth in the workplace culture. People are not honest to their work, their colleagues and most importantly to themselves. Had they been honest to atleast themselves, they would have realized their actual capabilities and perform on it. Instead, people resort to wickedness and cunningness.

                                                                                     

In order to reach to the top, people choke their ideologies in first or second year of work. Honest people who are true to work and themselves are most feared and hence, least appreciated. The success at workplace is inversely proportionate to the honesty you have while doing your work.

So, is it wrong to have opinions? Is it wrong to be honest? Is it wrong to say something you believe in? I say No. The words you chose should not be rude. They should neither be too feeble that it does not impact one’s thinking. 

What is your answer? To say or not to say?

Is the new generation girl still girlish?

I loved the old ways when boys would treat girls as girls (not to be mistaken in wrong way). They would be ready to tolerate the girly things they would do like coming late, talking less, being shy, etc. Songs would be written in honor of the nakhras girls would do. A girl would be endowed with such qualities just to test the mark of a man. Like in old movies, where if girl would say she is tired of walking in high heels she wore, he would stop of horse carriage and drop her or roam around. Its definitely one of the way to know, how a man treats his girl. But boys think that she is being pricey and otherwise. But yet, they would do it for fun or lovingly do it to win the girl. Girls would wear makeup, pretty dresses, cover themselves with perfume, etc etc for fun of it.

    

        

I guess this all started from my generation. In order  to lessen the distinction of having boys and girls both as friends, girls  became more open. Open in the sense, let go of our girlishness and embraced a hint of boyishness. While this started working out for us, we started doing it more often, like treating boys also as regular buddies like girls and talking to them about anything and everything. We started entertaining talks like how they feel about girls and try not to be judgmental in front of them.

In the whole process of proving that girls can be good buddies with boys (no wonder we can), somewhere down the line, and we lost our girlishness. The old habits never die, like putting on makeup, shopping, window shopping, etc but yet to be in forefront of not being tagged as bimbo or artificial, we reduced these habits. And trust this is very abnormal. Its like you quitting your basic  essence of being a girl. We wanted to show that we also can handle practical jokes which goes within the boys circle or to be able to prove that we are at par with the boys.

Genx  girls now is too forward from these silly topics. Gone are those days when parents would ask not to make any boys their friends in school or colleges. Gen x now is not even threatened to flaunt their hugs, smoking or drinking group on social networking sites. I bet girls have more boys as friends than girls themselves. 

 
With growing competition to excel at work, girls have to become more boy like to get their way to the top. I know many of my friends who are working professionals, excellent at their work yet not being able to grow to higher levels. It is ,as one of my friend and ex-colleague said that “All major decisions are taken place  at smoking corner or social do after work”. I personally agree to that.

After the end of a busy day at work, we have to take up role of a doting wife, a mother, daughter to husband, kids, parents and in laws. Somewhere in this juggling act, we lose our girlishness.  But what is wrong in being girlish? What is wrong or harm in choosing pink dress over power business suits or put some make up at work or outside than worrying what others will say. What is wrong in watching a romantic film than showing off that she enjoys sci-fi or war movies. 

I don’t know who was responsible for this but I beg all girls to start behaving and realizing that they are powerful women and need not prove that to anyone. There is no fight to prove that either men or a woman is superior to each other. I know one girl who could even rock the Washington DC wearing pink dresses amidst the black high profile suits. If you need some inspiration on how to excel at work and yet keep yourself in the girlish best, watch Legally Blonde part 2, in the way I intend to mean it.
 


Hope the old charms of being a woman comes back..................