Why cant I be myself anymore?

Have you asked this question to yourself anytime? Why so? Under what circumstances or situations did you ask this? But first things first. Why aren't you yourself anymore?

Now that the question is on the table, why do you think we are not being ourselves anymore? Social pressure, certain expectations from loved ones, peer pressure at work?

I am feeling the same a lot these days. There is something which holds me back to do what I want to. An inner conflict always takes place between my head and heart if I should do that thing or not. My mind rationalizes while my heart yearns for it. To add to that, there are so many external factors to take care of.

Like at work, we all are expected to behave in certain way. Even if you are not that person, you are made to do that. Saying No to your managers or disagreeing means a bullet on your chest, isn't it. So we keep quiet, unless we are in position to demand/ command. Job safety, career prospects holds us back.

At college or schools, friendships and loyalties keep us from telling the truth, even if you know that is the right thing to do. Fear of losing popularity, dependency of friends or friendships in all, keeps us away from what we think or believe in.

At family circuits, we restrain ourselves to the maximum, for the want of having a social cliques to move around. We end up giving politically correct answers and show innocence in matters where one is forcibly dragged into, though heart screams to end the problems, we are worried about our image in our circle. Fear of losing relationships or hurting someone in the family, keeps us away from being what we think.

Actually these were few situations which everyone undergoes at some point or the other. Is this the true issue, the ones which I quoted? If yes, think hard. I know you are again refraining yourself.

True isn't it?

I think, issue is the after effect of anything we say, do or believe in. If we are true to ourselves and say it out loud, we are afraid that we, for sure, will end up hurting someone or complicate situation further. It is not what we say or do, but the fear of cleaning up or having to deal with aftermaths which keeps us from being who we are. We all chose easy way out to agree and not be ourselves than take difficult road to be original and unique.

I know at some point of time everyone, would have tried to be honest. For some it was good timing and worked in their favor ; for some a disaster beyond imagination. But, did you have the feeling of burden shifting off your shoulders? Yes. It does. It helps you give confidence that you are capable enough to deal with it, no matter what you do, say or think.

                                                                                                      

If you are unsure of what to do, take time to think it through and then do it. If you know what you have to do and have decided upon something, then do exactly that. Our choices and decisions often take a backseat when we know a confrontation is inevitable. But because of the fear, do not give up on what you believe.

It’s just not lame when people say, “Believe in yourself. Do what is correct and right according to you. Stand by your belief”

Fear of acceptance is the biggest single factor which mauls over all the logic and reasoning. For that I have a solution. Do not be afraid of who you are. Just because you want to impress someone, do not depart from what you actually are. Then you become someone else, except you and you can never be at ease with that in mind.

                             
                                        

The phrase is well said, repeated and hammered into our minds, but do take a minute to think about it.

“Our choice of action shows what we are”

So after reading this, what is it going to be?

Being yourself or someone else

Something to think about?

Be a part of the change

So much has changed in our lives. 

There were days when whole colony or street came together to watch a Ramayana or Small Wonder serial. Kids would endlessly play in the hot sun in their summer vacations. They would climb trees,steal guavas or mangoes, play pranks on each other. Relations were given so much importance. Simplicity was considered beautiful. People would be generous, social and less self absorbed. Their homes would be open to anyone at any point of time. People from out station would prefer to come and halt at their relative’s place than in a hotel. The hosts would go to railway station or bus stand to pick up and drop the guests. Friendships were to die for, no second thoughts given. Loyalties and caring nature was the main attitude of the hour. People would look forward for festivals to cook sweets and savories for the family and everyone would be involved in putting up a good festivity. Though incomes were less or seemed less, for time like now, people were peaceful in their heart and mind. Fathers, however tired they would be, would take out their kids on cycles or scooters to nearby parks or any entertainment places.

With change of the decade and then the century, priorities changed for people. Money and status took over their minds. Every new and shiny thing started occupying the empty corners of the house. With increased incomes, humbleness and caring nature were replaced by ego and greed. People became more addicted to materialistic pleasures than actual people around them. Life got busy and now there is no time for socializing. Half of the time, people think of reasons to turn down any invites made to any functions. Hectic schedules, demanding careers stress people to the extent that they just fall into daily pattern of eating, sleeping, and working. Fun, pleasures of family time is limited to the weekends. More money has added to more tensions of life even if the couple earns handsome money for the family, they don’t have time to enjoy it. Kids no longer play outside. They are glued to television or Xbox or laptops, made available to them on demand. Five or six  years old kids  teach  parents how to operate a new smart phone. Kids and parents have become tech savvy, wanting to interact socially on virtual world than the actual world. God bless, Mark Zuckerberg for creating Facebook, else we would not have been in touch, are some of the comments from actual people. Whatever happened to thanking Alexander Bell for patenting of telephone? Simple invention but huge impact. No Iphone or tabs make you feel precious the way, we would wait for the calls or long distance trunk calls. So much money is being invested in making world a better communicative place, but on virtual basis, not on actual one.

Simplicity, humbleness, love, sharing has vanished into thin air.  Jealousy, greed, pride, overtly craziness to succeed, has taken over human simple emotions. Money now buys everything except peace and presence of mind. In my parent’s time, one person’s income would feed two-three families, but now two people’s income barely manages to self sustain. A great thinker said, “ you must earn money enough to take care of you, not much so as to take care of it.” For want of more money and stability, families have become dysfunctional. Everyone have their own shifts and time of eat, sleep and pray. No one has time for other person’s schedule, interest, or genuineness at heart to listen other person’s woes, unless it turns out to be a wonderful topic of gossip. There are lots of hidden faces in today’s world than the actuality.

Sometimes, I admire how quickly humans learn to adopt to any changes. No wonder, every one grows day by day , year after year. But I thought, with that comes the openness of heart and maturity seeps in. But every single day, someone or other proves me wrong by some act of theirs. People now have grown impatient with their own closer ones. Tolerance level has gone down the drain. Continuous comparisons, rudeness, mockery seems to be the new “COOL” attitude. See the thing is, we were raised to have a respect for all and tolerance to the highest peak.

Something to think about

If you are reading this article, please stop. Take five minutes time, to see what has happened to you and your near surroundings. People now take actual vacations in search of simplicity and peace of mind. Travel arrangers actually sell packages in name of  soul searching, peace of mind and what not. Why can’t you do it for yourself, from wherever you are right now? Do a good deed, once in a week. Help an old man/woman cross the road, give a cold water bottle to someone who is thirsty on the street, give food to an old beggar instead of money, try to go easy on your maids when they don’t turn up. Just take time to make your loved ones feel special, spend time with each other actually in a coffee bar, or cozy corner of the house.  Think about others feeling before putting yours on top. 

What happens is when you do that good deed, all your tensions vanish just like that. You feel good about yourself and also end up helping someone.  We can only change others or our situation, when we are ready to change within ourselves.

Be part of change, for better future.

See if you can do that anytime, and how you feel afterwards.

                                 
Share your experiences about good deeds and being part of the change, in the comment column below.

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